Week 9 of the Beast Blog Story (www.freckledart.com)

taper e CRAZY noun 1. the pattern of random reactions in mulitple locations throughout the body 2. indicate a slightly ackward social condition due to a significant decrease in training miles for an upcoming ultra race; also known as “the taper" SYNDROME the JESSE SPANO CHATTER BOX I'M SO EXCITED. I'M SO EXCITED I'M SO SCARED! An emotional imbalance involving frequent outrages of complete and utter excitement to being frantactly terrified all in the same breath. Typically these emotions involve outbursts of yelling and crying fits toward your significant other for absolutely no real reason at all other than your CRAZY! Runners typically find themselves talking NON-STOP to other fellow runners, especially those running the same upcoming event. Talking about something as simple as driving directions gets a runner excited. This is a major side effect when experiencing "The Jesse Spano." (Unfortunately, those people listening to your rant really don't care, they are just being nice and realize you are crazy!) TIME CREEPER weather HAWK 10 days out your eyes watch nothing else but the weather. Runners use a variety of websites as their source and make comparisons among them all. Obsessing over EVERYTHING you are going to be wearing come race day to only change it a gazillion, bajillion times until then. Once a taper begins, time slows down. Race day feels like it couldn't get here any sooner. You are running a lot less you have SO much more time on your hands. You find yourself doing things like reading the old Trail Running Magazines, cleaning the caked mud off your shoes, washing your running clothes AGAIN! over analyzing your drop bags, race plan, and the course. FAT BASTARD GET IN MY BELLY! WTFW GHOST PAIN Another idea that is completely ridiculous and only made up in your head. The idea that everything you eat will turn to fat because you are not running as much during your taper, and you will just become a fat, blobbery, sluggish mess come race day. A "pain" that doesn't really exist. A small unpleasant feeling that is conveyed to the brain by sensory neurons. The discomfort is after a short run during your taper making you believe there is something wrong, but truly it's just all in your head. You are healthy as a whip! The pain is most generally brought on by nervous feelings and once again over anlayzing EVERYTHING during this time in your training. STOP. IT'S HAMMERTIME 0000HHH. 0OHHH. OHHHH RECOMMENDED TREATMENTS Truly the most fun of all the Taper Crazy Symptoms. When you do go out for a run during your taper and it feels SO good. After your run you just want to dance. Your hard work has paid off and your legs feel so fresh, your watch is reading a new record time and you just want to bust move. It's recommmended to do just that..can't touch this. oooohhh. oohhh. ohhhh + JUST EAT + DRINK MORE BEER + RELAX + EAT MORE SLEEP ALOT * REMEMBER ALL THE HARD + DRINK BEER + SLEEP EVEN MORE WORK IS DONE YOU WILL BE MORE THAN READY FOR RACE DAY + :l