The 5 Second Rule

SECOND RULE Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Floor Food! Our entirely scientifically accurate* guide to the famous '5 second rule' of picking food up off the floor. SECONDS According to QUANTUM MECHANICS, food that has only been on the floor for 1 SECOND has not actually touched the floor at all. (Known as 'Schrodinger's pate') At 3 SECONDS germs are still rousing from sleep; while they are light sleepers, germs are infamously bad at waking up quickly. 5 This is the GOLDEN RATIO of food on the floor mathematics - picking food up now is actually healthier for you than if you hadn't dropped it on the floor at all. 6 MEDICALLY RISKY! 7 The last socially acceptable 'picking food off the floor' time (though still best to shout "5 SECOND RULE!" as you pick it up and hope no one was counting.) EAT AT YOUR OWN RISK! 10 At 10 SECONDS your food is heavily infected with germs and historians are confident this was in fact how the bubonic MR.BACTERIA Co. plague started. JUST EAT R *Gullibility clause: all of the science and facts written here are in no way accurate, quantum mechanics does not have much to say about food on the floor and germs do not sleep (as far as we know). .co .UK THE O|||||-II| |||NI| | ||| 3 I||||| 4LL +++H ++++ ++++ HI