An Updated Guide to the 2012 GOP Presidential Hopefuls

AN UPDATED GUIDE TO THE 2012 GOP PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFULS * Looks like an actor playing a President in a movie. * The leader of the field so far. Until he accidentally calls Bachmann "a crazy bitch" during a debate, has this thing wrapped up. * Has really nice hair. * Probably uses Pantene or something. With conditioner. * Not like a two-in-one or anything. The real deal. MITT ROMNEY * Governor of Texas. * Prone to saying things like “herp" and “derp" during debates in lieu of discussing issues. * Similar to Chuck Norris, in that the legend of his machismo grows by the day and nobody knows why we're still talking about him. * Not Mitt Romney. RICK PERRY * Possibly a cyborg built and controlled by Sarah Palin. * As she was built by Palin, she has a tendency to make incorrect statements and then stare blankly at you as if to prove they were facts. * Not Mitt Romney. MICHELE BACHMANN * Founder of Godfather's Pizza, which makes pizza that looks like this: HERMAN CAIN * As you can see, he has ruined pizza and cannot be trusted to run our country. * Has gained steam in the race by being someone who's not Rick Perry or Michele Bachmann. * Also, not Mitt Romney. * Wait, he's still here? Good for you, Newt. NEWT GINGRICH * No clue. * Is a guy? * Has hair? * Might actually be Mitt Romney. JON HUNTSMAN * Just kidding! * Or we are? * We are. * But are we? * We might be. * But we might not be?!? * May have eaten Mitt Romney. CHRIS CHRISTIE funny OR DiE