Taxonomus Modernus Westernus Societus

Mr.Ham & Mr.Paper Bag ptesent their Epic work on the Origin and Nature of Man and Woman as Illustrated by the Eight Major Subspecies TAXONOMUS MODERNUS WESTERNUS SOCIETUS GOODGUYUS MAY TRANSFORM INTO DOUCHEBAGGUS/BADBOYUS, ESPECIALLY IN LATE TEENS/EARLY TWENTIES. SOME NEVER TRANSFORM BACK, AND WHO CAN BLAME THEM, GIVEN HOW EASY THE PICKINGS ARE? *CAN *BELONGS TO SUBSTITUTE *PLANET *OFTEN BASICALLY SAME GENUS: UP TO TWO LITERALLY NICEGUYUS COMMONUS ASSHOLUS *OFTEN MITIGABLE TO ROCK LITTERED WITH ADDITIONAL JERKUS PLAYERUS AVERAGUS GIRLUS BY INSTRUMENTS WITH THEM REDEEMING FEATURES, LOSING WEIGHT OR *APPROX. FOR BIKE E.G. LACK OF EXCESSIVE WELL-EXECUTED EQUIVA- IDEALISM, SOME SOCIAL LENT OF SKILLS, CONSIDERABLE FAMILY WEALTH, ETC PLASTIC SURGERY *REPORTS OF NICEGUYUS HER EXTINCTION HAVE BEEN UNATTRACTIVUS AVERAGUS НОTTUS DOUCHEBAGGUS BADBOYUS NICEGUYUS LESSERSPOTTED SOMEWHAT EXAGGERATED GIRLUS GIRLUS GIRLUS FRATBOYUS BIKERUS COMMONUS GOODGUYUS* [ENDANGERED SPECIES] [ADDENUM: IF RELIGIOUS, *OFTEN BELIEVES THAT *WILL SETTLE FOR *WILL SETTLE FOR GIRLUS MAY COMPROMISE HER GREAT PERSONALITY WELL-GROOMED DOCTOR DEVOTED CEO-GENIUS- NICEGUYUS WHO HAS MANAGED TO OFTEN QUICKLY SNAGGED BY SENSIBUS GIRLUS IN NATURAL SLIGHTLY ON MATERIAL REQUIRI MEANS THAT SHE IS AT OR LAWYER, BUT REALLY OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALLIST NTS, BUT WILL LEAST AVERAGUS GIRLUS. WANTS A K-POP IDOL K-POP MOVIE STAR INGRATIATE HIMSELF AS A UNAWARE HABITAT. POSSIBLE HOOKUP THEN EXPECT SUITOR TOo HONORARY FEMALE NICEGUYUS WITH SUFFICIENTLY ATTRACTIVE GOLDDIGGUS, BUT SETTLE FOR SLIGHTLY OR RANDOM MOVIE STAR BE PASSABLE HYBRID OF GEORGE CLOONEY & JESUS] LESS WELL-GROOMED DOCTOR OR LAWYER SENSIBUS USUALLY HAS ENOUGH DEFENCES TO WITHSTAND THAT GIRLUS [ENDANGERED SPECIES] MAY THEN RATIONALIZE [WHILE WAITING FOR DR. K-POP STAR "HEY GALS, WANT A GOOD TIME?" OBSERVED BEHAVIOUR AWAY TO FALL IN LOVE AND PROPOSE] NICEGUYUS MAY WITH SUFFICIENT FORCE OF, EVENTUALLY OR LACK OF, WILL ENTER DENIAL PHASE AS ACCUMULATED HAPPILY EVER AFTER COGNITIVE DISSONANCE OVER ASSUMES GENERAL (MOST OF THE TIME) THE TRUE NATURE OF FEMALES SETS IN DEMEANOUR OF POTTED PLANT [PLATONIC NICEGUYUS TAGGING ALONG AS USUAL WITH HIS FAIR MAIDENS, RARELY, NICEGUYUS *SHARED WINK* forever alone [EXECUTES PARENTAL & SOCIETAL DEMANDS DUTIFULLY] FAP IN FULL WHITE KNIGHT "YEAH, WHY NOT?" ACCEPTS REGALIA] REALITY AND Fip MAKES HIS "STUDY" "GET A HOBBY TO STAND SRSLY? FAP BE PASSIONATE ABOUT" FAP "OK." "OK." *TEEHEE* "YOU' RE MORE SPECIAL THAN THE OTHER 37 GIRLS I'VE DATED MY SWEET BUTTERFLY..." OR ENTER PERPETUAL LOOP OF SELF-PITYING AND SELF-ABUSE, "I HAVE A COOL POSSIBLY FOREVER NO WAY ARE THEY GONNA "GET A "THINK FOR YOURSELF!" BIKE" FALL FOR MANAGES TO SOMEHOW TEMPER NEWFOUND GIRL" THIS CRAP CYNICISM WITH ORIGINAL IDEALISM (RARE) [BACKBONE "OK." "Ок. " [SOME THINKING ACTUALLY DONE] ACQUIRED] "I SENSE THE BEGINNING OF A BEAUTIFUL RELATIONSHIP" [FULL BABYDADDY ACQUISITION MODE ACTIVATED] FIGURES THAT THEY FELL FOR [GIVE UP AFTER REPEATED HEARTBREAK] "IT WAS LOL IF YOU CAN'T BEAT THEM, ONLY 34 IT!!! GIRLS, "HI LOSER, UH, [NICEGUYUS REALISES MAY BAIL OUT INTO JOIN THEM NOT 37" UNEVENTFUL BACHELOR NICEGUYUS, I RMBR U HAD CRUSH ON ME AT THIS POINT THAT EXISTENCE CENTERED HE HAS A PROBLEM, "YOU' RE JUST JEALOUS" WWHAT INJUSTICES THE LAW HAS VISITED ON BADBOYUS !" [SLAVE AWAY, HIT JACKPOT] YEARS AGO AND I NOT HAVING EVEN EVER AROUND VIDEO GAMES "HE REALLY UNDERSTANDS ME" LAUGHED WHEN MY KISSED A GIRL IN HIS AND LATER BRANCHING BOYFRIEND PANTSED U OUT INTO VARIOUS ENTIRE MISERABLE "HE'S A REALLY GOOD MAN WHEN HE'S NOT BEATING ME UP, A MISUNDERSTOOD SOUL, YOU ALL ARE UNFAIRLY BIASED NICHE HOBBIES, AFTER WEIGHING HIS OPTIONS BUT LETS BYGONES B EXISTENCE] GIRLUS HAS BYGONES I LIKEZ U AGAINST HIM, I CAN FIX HIM" SUFFICIENT ACTUALLY WILL U "COME ON, MAN, DON'T BE A FOOL" SELF-AWARENESS MARRY ME PLZ? IT'S NOT THAT TO REALISE WHAT'S HAPPENING BEFORE IT' S TOO LATE (VERY RARE) [MARGINALLY LESS HOPELESS] BAD A LIFE, YEARS PASS. DR. K-POP STAR DOESN'T MATERIALISE, REALLY THOUGH GIRLUS MAY HAVE BEEN ENCOURAGED BY GETTING [OSCAR WINNING PERFORMANCE] [ESPECIALLY IF ULTIMATE COMBO OF RELIGIOUS NICEGUYUS] INTO THE BED OF A FEW GUYUS WHO ARE NEARLY AT THAT LEVEL. HAS STILL BEEN UNWILLING TO SETTLE DUE TO EXPECTATIONS FALLING AT SAME PACE OR SLOWER THAN [COMPLETE [IF IN "OK." [STRANGELY TURNED ON BY] HER DECLINE IN MARRIAGE VALUE. MAY HAVE SUCKER REASONABLE ACQUIRED A COUPLE OF KIDS. ACQUIRED] SHAPE] [IF BALLOONED UP] [RELIGION ACQUIRED OVERNIGHT] SOMEWHERE DURING THE PROCESS, AVERAGUS (AND EVEN HOTTUS) MAY BELIEVE GUYUS PROPAGANDA THAT THEY ARE LIKED NOT FOR IN EXTREME CASES, THEIR APPEARANCE AND YOUTH, BUT FOR THEIR NICEGUYUS SNAPS AND BECOMES TAKES POSSESSION OF FOREIGN A SPREE/SERIAL KILLER. IRONICALLY, HE WILL THEN RECEIVE MORE LOVE LETTERS AND OFFERS OF GREAT PERSONALITY. PROCEEDS TO GET OLD & FAT. MAIL-ORDER BRIDE WHO AT LEAST COINCIDENTALLY, NO LONGER PERCEIVED TO HAVE GREAT PERSONALITY BY GUYUS MAY NOT IMMEDIATELY RECOGNIZE NICEGUYUS MANAGES TO MARRIAGE THAN HE EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE WHILST ON DEATH ROW HIM AS A LOSER STRIKE IT RICH DESPITE UTTER LACK OF A SPINE REALISES THAT SHE IS NOW NOT EVEN IMMERSE SELF IN CAREER [BASICALLY BUYS SOME SEMBLANCE OF A PERSONALITY] (WHICH TO BE FAIR Is ABLE TO GET A HALF-ACCEPTABLE UNDER DELUSION THAT IT THE KIDS, ESPECIALLY A LIABILITY IN SOME OVER TIME, WHATEVER INITIAL SENSE OF GRATITUDE/PITY/RELIGIOUS DUTY THAT GIRLUS FELT FOR NICEGUYUS IS SPINELESS NICEGUYUS TO PROVIDE WILL MAKE HER ATTRACTIVE IF NOT HIS TO BEGIN [TURNS OUT THAT THE BACK MUSCLES OF PROFESSIONS) TO GUYUS. EXPECTATIONS ALSO REBOUND AS A RESULT FOR HER WITH, WILL OFTEN NICEGUYUS HAVE ATROPHIED BEYOND REPAIR DESPISE HIM TOO BEFORE FROM YEARS OF DISUSE. NOT EVEN A BEGINS TOo ACCUSE ALL GUYUS FOLLOWING THE PATH OF COMPLETELY DRAINED BY HIS REPEATED MASSIVE MONETARY INFUSION CAN RESTORE OF BEING SUPERFICIAL DOORMAT BEHAVIOUR, EVEN IF GIRLUS WAS ANY SPINAL FUNCTION] THEIR BIOLOGICAL DADSs [ACTUALLY ORIGINALLY AN ILLITERATE THIRD-WORLD [TURNED OUT NOT TO UNSURPRISINGLY, [PANTS PEASANT. NO OFFICIAL PRESTIGE OR HAS A [HOWEVER, RAPIDLY REVERTS TO OLD SELF] THIS IS ACTUALLY BETTER THAN THE DECENT HAVE SUCH A GREAT THIS SELDOM GIVEN INCOME CAN SAVE NICEGUYUS FROM PERSONALITY] PERSONALITY AFTER ALL] WORKS UP] EVENTUALLY BEING DESPISED BY HIS FFFFFFF ALTERNATIVE, WHICH [STARS AND PLANETS ALIGN PERFECTLY] FFFF EFUU IS DOOMING HIS WIFE, EITHER OPENLY OR SECRETLY SOMEWHAT BEARABLE KIDS TO SUFFER THE FFFFFFF FFFFFF ATTRACTS A HOTTUS GIRLUS WITH HIS WEALTH, OFTEN OF GOLDDIGGUS SAME PATHETIC FATE "SO LONG, LOSER" MARITAL EXISTENCE [FINALLY GIVES UP, ACQUIRES FIRST CAT (IF NOT ORIGINALLY A CAT THAT HE DID "ок. " (START OVER FROM NICEGUYUS COMMONUS AT TOP) VARIETY. CAN BE SETTLES SORTA GRACEFULLY INTO CONSIDERED A MINOR [SHOWS SOME MINIMAL BACKBONE OLDMAIDHOOD, BECOMES THE PERSON) ] [COMPLETELY ABANDON STANDARDS IN DESPERATE EFFORT TO GET HITCHED] VICTORY GIVEN HOW BY INSISTING UPON A PRE-NUP AUNT THAT KIDS KIND OF LIKE, BECOMES MORE BITTER WITH PAINFUL HIS LIFE HAD AND NOT BENDING OVER BACKWARDS THANKS TO TASTY COOKIES AND BEEN BEFORE THIS NICEGUYUS IS SERVED WITH DIVORCE PAPERS OUT OF THE BLUE, AFTER EACH PASSING YEAR. FOR EVERY LITTLE DEMAND, AMONG OTHER THINGS] ACCUMULATES COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF CATS. CONSTANTLY FINDS FAULT, IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE. ARMED WITH HALF (OR MORE) OF NICEGUYUS' WORLDLY ASSETS, GIRLUS OFTEN EMBARKS UPON EATPRAYLOVE SPREE, ENJOYING HER NEWFOUND FREEDOM (AND WEALTH). SOON RETURNS TO THE GENEROUS GIFTS. BLENDS RATHER SMOOTHLY INTO FURNITURE AT [FINALLY COMPLETELY WORN OUT] GIRLUS HAS SPENT TIME RECRUITING A GOOD LOVER/LAWYER (WHO MAY BE ONE AND THE SAME), OFTEN FAMILY GATHERINGS AFTER AWHILE. MAY SOMETIMES BE SEEN WITH RELATIVES EVENTUALLY WOULD DR. K-POP STAR-WAITING, BADBOYUS-CHASING DAYS OF HER YOUTH, IF AT ALL IN SHAPE; BEST CHANCE OF REDEMPTION IF ORIGINALLY (COMPLETE THE MOST PITIFUL THING ABOUT IT ALL SUCIKER WISTFUL FARAWAY LOOK IN EYES RATHER CATCH AN ILLNESS WITH THE SUPPORT OF HER ACQUIRRD) IS THAT NICEGUYUS OFTEN REPEATS EXACTLY THE SAME THING, OVER AN INNOCENT MAIL-ORDER BRIDE WHEN SITTING ALONE THAN VISIT HER GIRLUSFRIENDS. NICEGUYUS USUALLY TOTALLY UNAWARE, THOUGHT THAT AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. ON THE EVERYTHING WAS GOING FINE BRIGHT SIDE, HELL NOW HOLDS NO POSSIBLE HORRORS FOR HIM