Stay Connected During an Argument

STEPS TO STAY CONNECTED TO YOUR PARTNER DURING AN ARGUMENT Presented by: acenterformarriagecounseling.com TELL YOUR PARTNER YOU NEED TO BE QUIET FOR A FEW MINUTES 2 FOCUS ON YOUR BREATH Gently breathe in and out through your nose while placing your awareness on the rising and falling of your breath 3 HAVE COMPASSION FOR YOURSELF AND YOUR PARTNER As you notice your breath, ask yourself, "What's happening to me right now?" Be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and any impulsive urges to lash out. Allow time to feel your anger and hurt. .. Soothe yourself. This calms your heart. Appreciate and support yourself, even in areas where you need to change. Have compassion for yourself for the times you've hurt your partner in the past. You will be less judgmental and gain perspective. Self-compassion is the first step toward compassion for your partner. Put yourself in your partner's shoes. Imagine your partner's experience. This will allow you to respond with greater compassion. COMPASSION lies at the heart of your relationship - never means tolerating physical or emotional abuse ACCEPT YOUR SHORTCOMINGS RESEARCH SUGGESTS ACKNOWLEDGING AND ACCEPTING YOUR OWN IMPERFECTIONS IS THE FIRST STEP TOWARDS A BETTER RELATIONSHIP. Be aware of and accept your unspoken anger, resentment, and frustration. Notice the neurons in your reptilian brain are firing off. your brain's awareness of these intense emotions is the energy to heal and learn. Inside 5 FOCUS ON WHẬT YOU NEED AND ASK YOURSELF What do I need right now? Is my need reasonable? Is my need aggressive? Am I about to overreact and make things worse? Is it more important to be right or to collaborate with my partner in a vital relationship? 6 CHOOSE A RESPONSE Make sure your response is in sync with your core values of compassion, love, and respect. This will move you and your partner towards feeling closer and more connected. Connecting compassionately to yourself and your partner can lead to remarkable bursts of creative solutions. When your needs match your values, your energy skyrockets. PRACTICE COMPASSION DAILY To apply these new skills before an argument escalates, your brain must generate new neural pathways. Set aside alone time each day for at least three weeks to practice compassion for yourself and then for your partner. Imagine yourself experiencing the intense feelings, thoughts, and bodily sensations you had during a recent conflict. Remember a time when the Imagine using your newly-acquired tools to defuse your intense painful emotions. two of you felt close and important to each other. With practice, compassion in the midst of conflict allows you to stay connected to your partner and calmly resolve issues. COUPLES COUNSELING & MARRIAGE COUNSELING acenterformarriagecounseling.com