Mr. Poo

MR. POO PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE NOTES FROM YOUR COLON WHEN MR. POO'S HAPPY HE'S THE PERFECT NEIGHBOR: HE COMES AND GOES WHEN I WANT WITHOUT STRAIN, LEAVING ME WITH A MILD EUPHORIA. BUT IF SOMETHING'S WRONG HE DOESN'T JUST COME OUT AND SAY IT. HE USES AN ANNOYING CODE TO LET ME KNOW HE'S UPSET. CONSISTENCY MR. PO0 SAYS.. "STOP PUSHING ME OUT THE DOOR!" Sometimes Mr. Poo stays well past his welcome. When he finally leaves he can be sharp, hard, dry, or pellet- like. This usually happens when I haven't drank enough water or eaten enough fiber. Eating more fruits and ..................... veggies helps, as they have both. "I'M BRINGING THE PAIN." In extreme cases a low fiber diet is thought to cause diverticulitis, or as I like to call it "swollen colon", an inflammation in the digestive system which was painful enough to end the career of former UFC heavyweight champion Brock Lesnar. "I'M FLOODED WITH ANGER!" Other times he can't wait to leave and is liquidy. He can get like this after we hit up certain fast food ....... ..... chains, but it could also be caused by antibiotics. If you ........ eat undercooked meat Mr. Poo could be pointing to an infection like E. coli, so if it seems serious or lasts a few days, head to the doctor. "I'M ON A NEW DIET, SO WHAT?!" If Mr. Poo's looking too thin you could have a blockage Cluulun Lun Lu in your colon and should get checked out. "CREAM ALWAYS RISES TO THE TOP.". If Mr. Poo floats instead of sinks, it is a sign your body isn't absorbing fat properly. This could be caused by celiac disease or certain weight-loss drugs. .......................................... COLOR THEY SAY A LEOPARD CAN'T CHANGE HIS SPOTS, BUT MR. POO CAN CHANGE HIS HUE. IF HE STAYS BROWNISH HE'S DOING WELL. IF HE TAKES ON ANOTHER COLOR YOU COULD HAVE JUST EATEN A LOT OF A CERTAIN FOOD, BUT IF IT HAPPENS FORA FEW DAYS YOU SHOULD HEAD TO THE DOCTOR. RED Beets or lots of red food coloring. If it's actually blood, that's a different story. Leafy greens, Mr. Poo gets jealous at how healthy I am. It can also happen when food goes through your intestines GREEN too quickly due to gastroenteritis (aka stomach flu) or if you've eaten questionable cart food. This isn't caused by what you eat, but how your body absorbs it. Yellow Mr. Poo usually accompanies the floaty YELLOW Mr. Poo and is smellier than usual. BLACK Black licorice, blueberries or an iron supplement. Otherwise it could signal internal bleeding, which is bad. GREY -> Certain anti-diarrheal medications. But it can signal trouble with your digestive organs, as they add the brownish color, so it's time for a gut check. MONEYSIDEOFLIFE.COM July 2012, ©brass|MEDIA WHEN YOU DON'T RESEARCH & WRITING: Cody Wetmore KNOW WHAT TO DO, DESIGN & LAYOUT: Kyla Tom BUT YOU REALLY GOT TO PO. SOURCES: fruitsandveggiesmatter.gov, health.msn.com, science.howstuffworks.com, digestive.niddk.nih.gov, mayoclinic.com, cdc.gov, ncbi.nlm.nih.gov, digestive.niddk.nih.gov, mmajunkie.com, sportsillustrated.cnn.com, dailyinfographic.com