How to Talk to Your Children About Divorce

HOW TO TALK ΤΟ YOUR CHILD ABOUT DIVORCE Talking to your children can be a positive experience, let us help you with our guide, coming straight from their needs. FROM GOWER & BUCK FAMILY LAW ATTORNEYS Mom, Dad: This is what I need! I NEED YOU BOTH TO STAY INVOLVED IN MY LIFE. I LIKE PHONE CALLS, LETTERS, FACETIME. WHEN YOU CHECK OUT I FEEL UNLOVED AND UNIMPORTANT. I NEED YOU TO STOP FIGHTING IN FRONT OF ME. TRY TO AGREE ON MATTERS RELATED TO ME. I NEED BOTH OF YOU TO RAISE ME, TEACH ME WHAT IS IMPORTANT, AND HELP ME SOLVE PROBLEMS I LOVE YOU BOTH AND IENJOΥ ΤΙΜΕ WITΗ ΕACH OF YOU. PLEASE DON'T ACT JEALOUS OR UPSET. WHEN TALKING ABOUT MY OTHER PARENT, PLEASE SAY PLEASANT THINGS OR NOTHING AT ALL. PLEASE DON'T USE ME AS A CARRIER PIGEON. I DON'T WANT TO TAKE SIDES. COMMUNICATE DIRECTLY WITH MY OTHER PARENT. How Do I Talk to My Child About Divorce? DON'T FREEZE UP. PRACTICE WHAT TO SAY. ANTICIPATE THE TOUGH QUESTIONS. TELL THE TRUTH. LENGTHY, INVOLVED EXPLANATIONS ONLY CONFUSE. SAY SOMETHING SIMPLE AND HONEST, LIKE "WE DON'T GET ALONG ANYMORE." REMIND THEM THAT EVEN WHEN PARENTS DON'T GET ALONG, PARENTS AND CHILDREN STILL LOVE EACH OTHER. THAT DOESN'T CHANGE. O SAY “I LOVE YOU." IT IS A SIMPLE, YET POWERFUL MESSAGE. ANTICIPATE QUESTIONS ABOUT UPCOMING CHANGES. ASSURE THEM YOU WILL WORK WITH THEM TOGETHER AS ISSUES ARISE. Avoid Blaming Each other or The Children DIPLOMACY DISARMS THE BLAME GAME. BE HONEST WITH YOUR CHILDREN BUT AVOID CRITICIZING YOUR EX-SPOUSE PRESENT A UNITED FRONT. TRY TO COME TO AGREEMENT IN ADVANCE ON THE STICKY ISSUES. SHOW RESTRAINT AND BE RESPECTFUL OF YOUR EX-SPOUSE AT ALL TIMES. PLAN AND PRACTICE YOUR CONVERSATIONS. How Much is Too Much Information? OLDER KIDS MAY BE READY FOR MORE DETAILS. ABOVE ALL ELSE, BE TRUTHFUL BE AGE AWARE. YOUNGER CHILDREN NEED AN OVERVIEW AND A SIMPLE EXPLANATION. SHARE LOGISTICAL PLANS. KEEP YOUR CHILDREN INFORMED ABOUT SCHOOL, ACTIVITIES, AND LIVING ARRANGEMENTS. Help Your Children Cope with Divorce by Reassurance and Listening LISTEN AND ENCOURAGE YOUR KIDS TO TALK ABOUT FEELINGS, ESPECIALLY LOSS, SADNESS OR FRUSTRATION. HELP THEM EXPRESS EMOTIONS AND USE ACTIVE LISTENING TECHNIQUES. HELP THEM FIND THE WORDS MANY CHILDREN HAVE DIFFICULTY ASSUAGE FEARS, SHOW UNCONDITIONAL LOVE, PUTTING WORDS TO FEELINGS. AND CLEAR UP MISUNDERSTANDING DIPLOMATICALLY. ACKNOWLEDGE HURT FEELINGS. INSPIRE TRUST THROUGH EMPATHY. LET THEM BE HONEST. DON'T CRITICIZE FOR SHARING THEIR TRUE FEELINGS. INSTEAD, REASSURE THAT YOU LOVE THEM. Clear Up Misunderstandings Immediately Many kids think the divorce is their fault. Set the record straight and vepeat the reason why you are divorcing. Patience, kindness, gentleness! Reassure your children of your unconditional love for them. PRESENTED BY GOWER & BUCK FAMILY LAW ATTORNEYS GOWERANDBLUCK.COM INFORMATION SOURCES: http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/help_child_divorce.html http://parents.com/parenting/divorce/coping/helping-child-deal-with-divorce http://helpguide.org/mental/children_divorce.htm ***