A Field Guide To Toilet Paper

A FIELD GUIDE TO TOILET PAPER SURVIVAL TIPS FOR THE PORCELAIN JUNGLE METAL BLAST SHIELD CARDBOARD BASE TUBE Made of a smooth metal Great place to hide secret treasures. Use it to store currency, contraband and other secret belongings. surface for easy disinfection. No poop cooties can hide in nicks, crannies or uneven surfaces. A total life saver after returning home from a developing nation. POO PRINTS SPRING LOADED AXLE These tricky SOBS can make or break your experience in the head. However, they do make a great suppository injector. Beware! Rotate 270 degrees to avoid fecal infection! Towards End User THE SOFT SIDE This is the most critical step in roll insertion. Be sure that the soft side faces the end user. "Use the force" A.K.A "the strong force" or grdvity when rolling. Roll AWAY from blast shield. ("W" is for width obviously) THE ROUGH SIDE ROLL RADIUS A.K.A. "Sandpaper. Make sure the rough side faces away from the end user's...rear end. You might be tempted to purchase a "50% More" version of your favorite wipes, to only find that it won't fit in the t.p. housing. Always know your roll radius when shopping! PROPOSED EXPANSION "We're waiting on legal size already! C'mon!" EMBOSSED PATTERN Helps with dingleberry traction. Take careful consideration when THE LAW OF PLIES Px N matching for bathroom decor. Generally, the higher the ply count, the better the quality. Hint: always go for the "the shit.". MYSTERIOUS CRUSTIES Could be your brother's boogers, to God knows what he has been doing in the crapper - these lil' gems should be identified quickly before wiping. 3 ply + 2 ply * See "Poo Prints" for tips on how you can avoid this potential hazard. 1 ply poor good the shit toobbox.com 2 dudes makin'a playlist site after work... O Copyleft toobbox.com 2014