Confrontation 101

CONFR ONTATI ON 101 Got a problem with a coworker and don't know what to do about it? Take a look at this scenario and two paths one could take-and see what might work for you. Situation: Jennifer works in a cubicle next to Alex. They are in the sales division of a large trucking company. They both cover the Midwest division and often work leads together. Alex just got a new mobile phone with all the bells and whistles. This is day two of his phone vibrating and beeping and ringing-not loudly--but the "bells and whistles" have been going off about 6-7 times each day. This is very distracting for Jennifer as she can't concentrate on her report and she is frustrated! What should she do? Here's one route she could take: Here's another route she could take: THE USUAL THE GORDON way to approach a situation way to approach a situation "Hey uh,... Alex, new phone huh? It's pretty cool but, um, you think you might be able to shut it off for a while? It's kind of driving me a little crazy, you know?" "Alex? I am having a really hard time concentrating on my sales reports because your phone has been ringing, beeping and vibrating about 5-6 times today and this is the second day in a row it's been happening and I am getting pretty annoyed." "I totally LOVE this phone but I can't turn it off because that's how my clients now reach me directly-they don't have to go through those automated steps to get to me anymore and they love it." Jennifer owns a problem, i.e., she can't get her work done and so now needs to confront according to the Gordon Model. She's going to send a Confrontive l-Message which has three parts. Describe the specific Behavior, what's the tangible effect on you from that behavior and how you feel about it = Behavior, Effect, Feeling. Tip: Ask yourself when you confront, "Where's the BEF?" "Yeah, that's great but I can't get my work done-seriously, you gotta turn it to silent mode or something." "Oh....well, I just got it and it's so clients can reach me directly and they love it and it's helping me with my numbers too actually so I really don't want to turn it off!" "I tried that yesterday but I kept forgetting to check it-and then I am practically checking it every few seconds so with the sound, I don't have to do that and so far, my sales have improved and I know it's because I can respond ASAP to my customers." Alex defends himself, and is a little upset by Jennifer's message, so now Alex has a problem, and is the most upset in the moment. The Gordon Model teaches to use listening skills when another owns a problem. "So it's really helping you with sales-which is great-and you don't want to miss any opportunities or disappoint your customers by missing their calls." "But I can't work though. So you're not willing to work with me on this...?" Oh please, just get some headphones or something and get over it. It doesn't ring THAT much anyway." Shifting Gears from confronting to Active Listening to show Alex that Jennifer can appreciate where Alex is coming from. When you Shift Gears, you show the other person you're willing to hear their side of the story and that communicates respect and can also diffuse a lot of emotion so you can get to a solution faster. (Alex turns back to his computer; Jennifer sits stewing, now plotting ways to interrupt Alex or perhaps she's ready to head to HR...) "Yup, that's it totally." "The thing is, every time the phone goes off, it startles me, I get distracted, then I get irritated, I lose my train of thought and I need to get these reports in by tonight." Problem solved? Nope. How's the relationship? Strained for sure. How much will this impact their productivity if they're distracted by their Jennifer still owns a problem so she sends another Confrontive l-Message. irritation? "Well, why don't you put on some headphones? I mean, it doesn't ring THAT much and it's not THAT loud and if put it on silent mode, I am afraid I will miss calls." How Communication Impacts The Bottom Line ABSENTEEISM COSTS Pretty defensive response from Alex-now Alex owns a problem/has the most upset in the moment. Up to 60% of absenteeism is due to stress in a conflict-laden organization. "Approaching Change Chrysalis: Performance Strategies Jan. 2003, Vol. 3, No. 5 "You don't think it's that distracting and if I got headphones, the problem could be solved-besides you're seeing how having it on is creating more business for you and you'd hate for that to change." HR TIM EINCR EASES Jennifer Shifts Gears again and Active Listens. HR professionals spend 45% of their time dealing with employee conflicts. ISMS Practice Management Educational Series "Bingo." "Well, I need to hear my office phone ring so headphones wouldn't work for me. I wonder if you and I could take a few minutes right now and work this out-so you can be available to your clients and I can finish my report on time?" TURN OVER C OSTS Actual cost of employee dismissal due to conflict is 150% of salary. Aubrey C. Daniels, Ph.D., How To Apply The Astonishing Power of Positive Reinforcement So they've reached a point where their needs are in conflict and Jennifer suggests problem solving. "Sure, okay. I'm game." POOR C OMMUNICATION 86% of employees cite lack of effective communication for workplace failure. Fierce, Inc. Study 2007 How's this going to turn out? Well, if you follow the Gordon Model, the next step is that they would use Method III, a no-lose conflict resolution process where they identify needs, brainstorm solutions, evaluate them, choose one (or two) and then follow up to see how it worked. SHARE HOLDHR RETURNS 47% higher returns to shareholders with effective communication over 5 years. Towers Watson's communication study 47% What would you say this will do for their relationship? We bet it will be a whole a lot better than the other route. Remember: Organizations are systems of relationships. All organizations are formed of groups of people with a function to perform in various relationships with one another; both formal and informal. The organization will perform its function or not to the degree that those relationships work or don't work. PROFIT INCREASES Three-year profit gain of 60% with PMP (people management practices) Dennis J. Kravitz, People Management Practices and Financial Success: A Ten-Year Study 60% Learn the pioneering model that has helped 7 million people... 50 Gordon Training International | 531 Stevens Ave. West Solana Beach, CA 92075 U.S.A. Tel: 800.628.1197 or 858.481.8121 | Fax: 858.481.8125 | Email: [email protected] | Web: http://www.gordontraining.com Please note our office hours: Monday - Thursday (closed Fridays) | 8:30 a.m. - 5 p.m. (Pacific Time) years 1962 - 2012 GORDON CONFR ONTATI ON 101 Got a problem with a coworker and don't know what to do about it? Take a look at this scenario and two paths one could take-and see what might work for you. Situation: Jennifer works in a cubicle next to Alex. They are in the sales division of a large trucking company. They both cover the Midwest division and often work leads together. Alex just got a new mobile phone with all the bells and whistles. This is day two of his phone vibrating and beeping and ringing-not loudly--but the "bells and whistles" have been going off about 6-7 times each day. This is very distracting for Jennifer as she can't concentrate on her report and she is frustrated! What should she do? Here's one route she could take: Here's another route she could take: THE USUAL THE GORDON way to approach a situation way to approach a situation "Hey uh,... Alex, new phone huh? It's pretty cool but, um, you think you might be able to shut it off for a while? It's kind of driving me a little crazy, you know?" "Alex? I am having a really hard time concentrating on my sales reports because your phone has been ringing, beeping and vibrating about 5-6 times today and this is the second day in a row it's been happening and I am getting pretty annoyed." "I totally LOVE this phone but I can't turn it off because that's how my clients now reach me directly-they don't have to go through those automated steps to get to me anymore and they love it." Jennifer owns a problem, i.e., she can't get her work done and so now needs to confront according to the Gordon Model. She's going to send a Confrontive l-Message which has three parts. Describe the specific Behavior, what's the tangible effect on you from that behavior and how you feel about it = Behavior, Effect, Feeling. Tip: Ask yourself when you confront, "Where's the BEF?" "Yeah, that's great but I can't get my work done-seriously, you gotta turn it to silent mode or something." "Oh....well, I just got it and it's so clients can reach me directly and they love it and it's helping me with my numbers too actually so I really don't want to turn it off!" "I tried that yesterday but I kept forgetting to check it-and then I am practically checking it every few seconds so with the sound, I don't have to do that and so far, my sales have improved and I know it's because I can respond ASAP to my customers." Alex defends himself, and is a little upset by Jennifer's message, so now Alex has a problem, and is the most upset in the moment. The Gordon Model teaches to use listening skills when another owns a problem. "So it's really helping you with sales-which is great-and you don't want to miss any opportunities or disappoint your customers by missing their calls." "But I can't work though. So you're not willing to work with me on this...?" Oh please, just get some headphones or something and get over it. It doesn't ring THAT much anyway." Shifting Gears from confronting to Active Listening to show Alex that Jennifer can appreciate where Alex is coming from. When you Shift Gears, you show the other person you're willing to hear their side of the story and that communicates respect and can also diffuse a lot of emotion so you can get to a solution faster. (Alex turns back to his computer; Jennifer sits stewing, now plotting ways to interrupt Alex or perhaps she's ready to head to HR...) "Yup, that's it totally." "The thing is, every time the phone goes off, it startles me, I get distracted, then I get irritated, I lose my train of thought and I need to get these reports in by tonight." Problem solved? Nope. How's the relationship? Strained for sure. How much will this impact their productivity if they're distracted by their Jennifer still owns a problem so she sends another Confrontive l-Message. irritation? "Well, why don't you put on some headphones? I mean, it doesn't ring THAT much and it's not THAT loud and if put it on silent mode, I am afraid I will miss calls." How Communication Impacts The Bottom Line ABSENTEEISM COSTS Pretty defensive response from Alex-now Alex owns a problem/has the most upset in the moment. Up to 60% of absenteeism is due to stress in a conflict-laden organization. "Approaching Change Chrysalis: Performance Strategies Jan. 2003, Vol. 3, No. 5 "You don't think it's that distracting and if I got headphones, the problem could be solved-besides you're seeing how having it on is creating more business for you and you'd hate for that to change." HR TIM EINCR EASES Jennifer Shifts Gears again and Active Listens. HR professionals spend 45% of their time dealing with employee conflicts. ISMS Practice Management Educational Series "Bingo." "Well, I need to hear my office phone ring so headphones wouldn't work for me. I wonder if you and I could take a few minutes right now and work this out-so you can be available to your clients and I can finish my report on time?" TURN OVER C OSTS Actual cost of employee dismissal due to conflict is 150% of salary. Aubrey C. Daniels, Ph.D., How To Apply The Astonishing Power of Positive Reinforcement So they've reached a point where their needs are in conflict and Jennifer suggests problem solving. "Sure, okay. I'm game." POOR C OMMUNICATION 86% of employees cite lack of effective communication for workplace failure. Fierce, Inc. Study 2007 How's this going to turn out? Well, if you follow the Gordon Model, the next step is that they would use Method III, a no-lose conflict resolution process where they identify needs, brainstorm solutions, evaluate them, choose one (or two) and then follow up to see how it worked. SHARE HOLDHR RETURNS 47% higher returns to shareholders with effective communication over 5 years. Towers Watson's communication study 47% What would you say this will do for their relationship? We bet it will be a whole a lot better than the other route. Remember: Organizations are systems of relationships. All organizations are formed of groups of people with a function to perform in various relationships with one another; both formal and informal. The organization will perform its function or not to the degree that those relationships work or don't work. PROFIT INCREASES Three-year profit gain of 60% with PMP (people management practices) Dennis J. Kravitz, People Management Practices and Financial Success: A Ten-Year Study 60% Learn the pioneering model that has helped 7 million people... 50 Gordon Training International | 531 Stevens Ave. West Solana Beach, CA 92075 U.S.A. Tel: 800.628.1197 or 858.481.8121 | Fax: 858.481.8125 | Email: [email protected] | Web: http://www.gordontraining.com Please note our office hours: Monday - Thursday (closed Fridays) | 8:30 a.m. - 5 p.m. (Pacific Time) years 1962 - 2012 GORDON