The A-Z of the 2G Scam

THE A TO Z OF THE 2G SCAM is for Anil Ambani: After MD Gautam Doshi and other ADAG honchos, will it the younger broth- B is for Black Money: Like the air it's every- where but you can't Dthe stock market, in Mauritius, in mattresses. everywhere but in the bank, accounted for. er's turn to go to Tihar (while Mukesh moves into Antil- lay? That's the Rs28,000-crore question vari- ous banks are asking. REDUCTIO AD ABSURDUM ADITYA SINHA The writer is the Editor-in-Chief, DNA, based in Mumbai बेक न ९3N 3702| OPNDIA 500 is for Ethics: This is one of those mysterious unknowable metaphysical concepts of F is for "First come, first Iserve", sort of. Our ministers take it to mean, first come and serve me, and then you'll get to lick the crumbs from whatever slice of public cake l'm gorg- ing on. is for Cabinet Reshuffle: The political equivalent of premature ejacula- tion (or, as the smarter is for DB Realty: Actual lỵ the DB in DB Realty does not mean "Dy- namix Balwa's" or even "Dubai-Baramati" but Delly Belly - what you get from Indian political staying in Tihar Jail - or even D(K) Bose, as in "bhaag, minis- Uset say "Betrayal to KL"). Every year, the build-up to a cabinet reshuffle is height- ened by anxiety fear, greed, slob- bering, brown- nosing and lies; yet it all ends with a fizzle. life. ter saheb, þhaag"! Deli y DVBAI ARAMA B. is for Gandhi: What a powerful name this is, and how it has been appropri- HE is for Half of whatev- er you're making: the basic formula for some of our heftier -politicians. is for Jayalalithaa: The woman who's prospered most from the 2G scam (electorally not monetari- ly). Amma is one person ca- pable of taking on Sonia, because she's so unpredictable; she's the one person capable of giving In- dian politics that "TV reality show' quality. As they say, it ain't over till the fat lady sings. Tis apparently not for India: For our politicians, I stands for me, myself and I. ated from the Mahatma! He was a man who wanted to clean up af- ter other Indians, while the appropriators wish to clean- out other Indians. 50% is for Kanimozhi: Poor sweetie baby. Don't cry. Remember, there's R$200 crore L M is for Loop: This refers is for Maran: Nei- ther Kalanithi nor Dayanidhi are going to sit quiet; they've Lgot Sun TV. When is for Niira Radia: Would-be airline own- er and high-profile spin doctor who looks not to a method of contracep- tion, but to the telecom company going down in the next CBI 2G charge-sheet. Kind of like would-be wait- ing when you final- ly get out of the north Indian jail. granduncle Kalaig- nar said the media was capable of marring anyone's reputation, he may have been darkly threatening Sonia. IPL-team-owner Sunanda Pushkar and also kind of like would-be high-socie- ty lady Rakhi Sawant. is P Chidambaram: De- is for Ostrich: An ani- mal which buries its head in the G is for Quit, as in when will this goddamn cor- rupt government quit so that another god- damn corrupt govern ment can take oveg? is for Raja: Ek tha raja/ ek thi rani/dono spite his 180+ IQ (he's likely to use words like "balder- dash!"), ground when ministers in its cabinet are looting the country blind. Subramanian Swamy says this dude is going to Ti- har in Au- gust for the 2G Tihar gaye/khatam kahani. АМП scam. vis for UPA and its se- quel, son of UPA (also known as UPA-2). It ranks truly amongst is for Sharad Pawar: In a Irace against time, or actu- ally, against Sonia. Will he get the Jagan Mohan Red- dy MPs, the DMK, Mama- ta and Mulayam to withdraw support to the UPA-2 and replace it with a government supported (from outside) by both the Left and the BJP? Or will she send his daughter Supriya Sule to jail first? As Green Day sings, Wake me up/When September ends. is for Tihar Jail: An en- |closed space in West Del- hi which houses rapists and killers and drug-deal- V Tis for Vigilance, which is being ex ercised on the government not by the Chief Vig- ilance Commis- sioner, not by the CBI, and not even by the CAG, but by TV news warlord Arnab Goswami. ers, and where your free dom is snatched from you, and where there is no air-condition- mindlessly ing or kebabs on the menu or even Wi-fi. the more frightening movies of our time, like Murder- 2 or Transfor . mers-3. Y yis for Xenophilia: Some v Tis for War: Coming soon (see S is for Sharad-Pawar). is for Y S Jaganmohan Reddy: Did his father fund the Congress in the last two Lok is for Zeroes, of which there are ten in Rs 17,60,00,00,00,000. This was the amount of Imoney the government did not make from 2G spec- trum alloca tion. Never forget that: Indians particularly seem to suffer this malaise, which is a love for things foreign. Like foreign bank accounts, foreign telecom companies, foreign girl- friends, foreigm va- cations, foreign lifestyle, foreigm education, etc. All while living it up in India. Sabha elections? Who knows, but Jagan is the man with the MPs, the MLAS and the bucks to initiate the down- fall of UPA-2. [email protected] Mustration: Uday Deb