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How to Make A Successful App!

HOW TO MAKE SUCCESSFUL APP! No Have a good idea? Other people had the same idea. Just do it better. Yes What about a fart app? There are only 567 of those on the App Store. Can you program? I guess so Send emails to thousands of developers. Tell them you will give them a percentage of the profits if they build your app for free. Attach a 100 page NDA before sharing your idea. No Good. Find a job as a programmer. There is a better chance of earning a living. Job found! l'Il keep on Why? Program apps for others. Everybody wants an app. Just like they needed a website 20 years ago. This only works on Macs. Not a Mac evangelist (yet)? Buy a Mac. Contert Welcome to the iOS Restriction SDK. Create your iTunes profile I dont understand all this legal stuff Just click accept. You don't have a choice anyway. Have a family life? No Yes That's OK. Tell your wife you make a ton of money so you can buy a pony for the kids Good. You are a real programmer! They believed it! I don't understand why my app doesn't work. Compile an app example from apple. Learn about Apps rejection policy. Publish it! Keyboard marks on your cheek from when you fall asleep on it. Pizza boy calls you by your first name.. RTFD My first app!!! Ok Enter the programming tunnel! Stil.. Dier Diet Coke by the liters. Coffee. Forget what day it is. Go on forums. Be reassured you're not alone. Become a Well, google it and swallow it. This You've got no Send it to beta testers. excuses. serial poster. builds character. I've got no friends anymore... Yes They find bugs!! No They do not answer anymore! Read intelligent stuff on "Coding Horror". Have you ever heard about architecture and Beta testers are silly and do things you would never do. That's why they are beta testers. I've got to redo everything. Enrole the pizza boy as a beta tester. Everyone has an iPhone today! use cases? Good. Silent beta testers mean they are bored and no longer take pleasure in destorying your dreams. Don't bother with bugs! Publish your app Publish your app anyway. Call these "features". Wait for the app to be reviewed by Apple. No approval yet. Rejected! I know. This is just to get you through the next few days thinking about what this could possibly mean. Open a blog and complain publicly about Apple's totalitarianism for Approved! Be patient. This will come earlier than expected and later than you imagined. not publishing fart applications anymore! This means nothing! Poor guy. Now you have users to deal with!!! GOLDEN RULE OF USERS: One App sold=One customer=One problem. It dosen't sell anyway.. Open an app review blog and beg developers for free apps. Too many useless apps hid your own creation. Be sure that other authors feel the same about yours. Get comfort from this thought. You get in the top 20O! You have a copycat Someone published an app with identical name and logo. Discover lawyer fees and cry. Good. Become more anxious than traders having greek debt in their portolio. Check iTunes every five minutes. PROBLEM WITH AVERAGING STARS: Sales go down.. Sales go up! Excellent Crap, cannot update. Receive email from Apple requesting graphical materials as your app may be featured. Oh yeah... It's due tomorrow!!! Understand what SEO means. Hire some Average: marketing folks. Spend the night on photoshop. Send your stuff to the App Store guys and begin praying. One week later Well they must have a lot of good apps to feature. That'll be for the These are upgrade figures, not sales... Read iTunes Connect next week. user guide. Two weeks later No complaining users? You've Why bother asking for material if they do not feature it! FO#$ !!! forgotten about being featured. Wonder what these sales numbers are, Three weeks later.. You've been featured!!! Receive emails from customers who bought your application just because it's been featured and Real Example who complain about not needing it. Dear Sir, was wondering if you could make your code open source. I find guys like you wanting to make money with programming shameful. Ww. Silly user! Weird emails. Google "Clients from Hell". Laugh, see you're not alone, and answer to the next 1000 emails before going to bed. Check your bank account. (I got this email really) Congratulations! You had your first money transfer from Apple! Buy a new Mac! Forget them Look at user Good comments ones And after one year. Discover that writing a bad comment can save your day when your boss screamed at you all day. You earned a lot of money! Do you live in France? Bad ones Be happy to have the first health care in the Remember them for the rest of Yes PRINCIPLE OF RELATIDITY world and pay 30% of your income to finance its defici. No OF PRICES your life. Go on Holiday! Be sure to always have an internet connection on this tropical island to keep an eye on user emails! Users spend hundreds of dollars for an iPhone and complain about the price of one dollar apps. Get bored. After 3 IOS versions Go back in front of Be sad about sales inevitably going your computer and start a new down! application! After depression React! Hire some folks to market your app in hopes of getting more downloads and generating tons of media coverage And have fun doing it! Starmap: Featured on the first day of the App Store SpaceMap: Best App of the week Starmap Starmap Pro: Featured App of the week Starmap HD: Top sales 15 days straight Space Chimp Copyright 2011, All rights Reserved. iPhone, iPad and iPod Touch are trademarks of Apple Inc., registered in the U.S an other countries Starmap Media

How to Make A Successful App!

shared by spacechimpmedia on Dec 12
A humorous outlook on what it takes to make your iOS app a huge success. A must read for all app developers.


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