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The 12 Days of Christmas

The Twelve Days of Christmas .by the numbers! 12 Days of Christmas - Arrangement by Anne Christopherson - ost of us are familiar with this charming traditional Yuletide carol, But have you ever considered the practical implications of her true love's unbelievably generous gift-giving? Exactly how many geese do you end up with if somebody gives you 6 every day for the duration of Christmas! mf in part- ridge On the first day of Christ-mas my truc love gave to me WE'RE HERE TO BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU. x 12 DAYS partridge + pear tree So far, so good. 12 partridges, 12 pear trees. Hopefully she has a big garden to plant all these trees in, but at least the partridges come with their own trees to sleep in. Accommodation for poultry is going to become a big problem later on, as we'll see. to of Christ - mas my true love gave On the sec-ond day x 11 22 2 DAYS That is a lot of doves. Maybe they can bunk up with the partridges? turtle doves There's a fair amount of roosting room in the pear trees, one assumes. GIFT DISTRIBUTION x 10 DAYS Partridge Pear Tree Turtle Doves This is already getting out of hand. Where is she going to keep this many hens? Bird feed costs are beginning to mount up, too. A hen is for life, French Hens French hens Colly Birds not just for Christmas. Gold Rings Geese Swans Maids Ladies Lords DAYS colly birds Pipers Drummers 10 20 30 40 50 More birds? Seriously? These ones don't even sing or lay eggs. They just hang around building slingshots and terrorizing nearby pig farms. FUN FACT Different versions of the song sometimes refer to the fourth day's gift as "calling birds" or even “mockingbirds." But originally it was "colly birds," which was just another name for blackbirds. DAYS gold rings Finally, she thinks, something of high value, easily sold to pay for all this bird feed. But surprise! It turns out "gold rings" are actually another type of bird. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE GOT FORTY PHEASANTS! 6. DAYS geese a-laying By this point he'd better hope he's really her true love, because nobody else is going to put up with this psycho, who has just saddled his girlfriend with an entire flock of geese. At least they're laying! But don't pig out on omelettes just yet-you're about to have a ton of houseguests. DAYS Where are they swimming? Does she live near a lake? Or did he install a paddling pool for the swans Is it even legal to keep swans as pets!? swans a-swimming GIFT RATE AND CUMULATIVE TOTAL 236 TOTAL BIRDS 450 This is more than enough to qualify her house as a poultry farm, or possibly a zoo. She is 375 going to have a serious zoning problem on her hands. But she's probably going to need to 300 move house anyway, because a whole bunch of people are about to show up. 225 150 75 79 PEAK GIFTS PER DAY 10 11 12 Remember, these aren't actually all turning up at once. Every day this madman is bringing Gifts incl. Cattle Total Gifts Gifts per Day more birds, more ladies, more cattle, and in ever-increasing numbers. AAAAÄÄ. AAAAAAAAAAA AÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄALAA DAYS 40 maids a-milking Finally, some human beings to help take care of all these birds! But wait, what are they milking? Do they come with cattle in tow? The song is unclear, but a dairy cow weighs more than a ton, so you'd think it was a crucial detail whether or not she suddenly had to find a place to keep AAAA several dozen of them. THE CHRISTMAS EMPOREUM 123 FAKE ST. ANYTOWNE, CA 94063 36 (650) 555-1234 DAYS 11/26/10 10:05 05291/01 - 032 ladies dancing 289042 Jessica ****************** SALE ***************** The forty maids when they weren't a-milking were plenty of help with the birds at just six birds PARTRIDG 935156 per maid, in fact, they were pretty over-staffed. So why does she need all these ladies? And where did he find these ladies? What kind of dancing is it they do, exactly? 12 @ 161.99 1943.88 PEARTREE 935197 12 @ 161.99 PRTRDG DISCOUNT -1943.88 0.00 10 TRTLDOVE 935484 22 @ 50.00 DAYS 1100.00 FRNCHHEN 935116 30 @ 50.00 \lords a-leaping 1500.00 COLLYBRD 919016 36 @ 149.99 As if filling the house with thirty-six strippers wasn't enough, now there's a battalion of acrobatic aristocrats to deal with. Where are all these people going to sleep? 5399.64 GOLDRING 919018 40 @ 129.99 5199.60 GEESE 919310 42 @ 25.00 W/ LAYING 0.00 140 TOTAL PEOPLE 1050.00 SWANS 919139 42 @ 800.00 What exactly is the deal with all these people? Is she their legal guardian? Or are they more like employees? W/ SWIMMING 0.00 33600.00 Who's paying them? That's going to be expensive, especially if they unionize. MAIDS8HR 919555 40 @ 58.00 And if they're not employees, are they property? How do you even give people as gifts? Are we talking W/ MILKING 0.00 slavery here? This whole gift-giving idea has taken a turn for the creepy. 2320.00 LADIES 980606 36 @ 699.34 W/ DANCING 0.00 25176.12 11 111 LORDS 919268 22 30 @ 476.67 W/ LEAPING 0.00 DAYS 14300.10 PIPERS 909077 22 @ 214.20 W/ PIPING 0.00 pipers piping 4712.40 Apparently the racket from the birds and the commotion of the lords leaping on the ladies wasn't DRUMMERS 919100 12 @ 212.71 enough. Now she's got a band of non-stop flautists. Great. W/ DRUMMING 0.00 2552.55 SUBTOTAL 98854.29 SALES TAX @ 9.25% 9144.02 12 PURCHASE TOTAL 12 107998.31 DAY PAYMENT METHOD CASH ************* CUSTOMER COPY ************* drummers drumming At this point she's the proud owner of a 34-person orchestra consisting of exactly two instruments. No brass, no strings. These guys aren't going to get a lot of gigs. So much for hiring them out to pay for the sexual assault lawsuits the maids filed against the lords. BIRD TO STAFF RATIO Birds 90 Staff * Assumes the pipers 75 and drummers are too busy playing to help out with the birds. 60 45 Things hit crisis point on day seven, when she's taking care of 84 birds all by 30 15 herself until the first 8 maids show up. But by day nine she already has way too 2 3 4 5 6 7 Day 9. 10 11 12 many people. Layoffs are inevitable. CONCLUSION On the one hand, her true love is obviously rich and well-connected, 376 TotAL GIfts $100,000 since he can lay his hands on well over worth of assorted live animals and hired help, some of whom are of noble birth. 416 INCLUDING THE AMBIGUOUS DAIRY HERD On the other hand, he's clearly completely unhinged. Sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cattle (weight of a dairy cow) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_Price_Index (approximate price of gifts) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twelve_Days_of_Christmas_(song) (everything clse) Written by Laurie Voss of seldo.com, and illustrated by Ricky Romero of rickyromero.net. Merry Christmas! Birds per Employee The Twelve Days of Christmas .by the numbers! 12 Days of Christmas - Arrangement by Anne Christopherson - ost of us are familiar with this charming traditional Yuletide carol, But M have you ever considered the practical implications of her true love's unbelievably generous gift-giving? Exactly how many geese do you end up with if somebody gives you 6 every day for the duration of Christmas! mf in part- ridge On the first day of Christ-mas my truc love gave to me WE'RE HERE TO BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU. x 12 DAYS partridge + pear tree So far, so good. 12 partridges, 12 pear trees. Hopefully she has a big garden to plant all these trees in, but at least the partridges come with their own trees to sleep in. Accommodation for poultry is going to become a big problem later on, as we'll see. to of Christ - mas my true love gave On the sec-ond day x 11 22 2 DAYS That is a lot of doves. Maybe they can bunk up with the partridges? turtle doves There's a fair amount of roosting room in the pear trees, one assumes. GIFT DISTRIBUTION x 10 DAYS Partridge Pear Tree Turtle Doves This is already getting out of hand. Where is she going to keep this many hens? Bird feed costs are beginning to mount up, too. A hen is for life, French Hens French hens Colly Birds not just for Christmas. Gold Rings Geese Swans Maids Ladies Lords DAYS colly birds Pipers Drummers 10 20 30 40 50 More birds? Seriously? These ones don't even sing or lay eggs. They just hang around building slingshots and terrorizing nearby pig farms. FUN FACT Different versions of the song sometimes refer to the fourth day's gift as "calling birds" or even “mockingbirds." But originally it was "colly birds," which was just another name for blackbirds. x 8 5 DAYS gold rings Finally, she thinks, something of high value, easily sold to pay for all this bird feed. But surprise! It turns out "gold rings" are actually another type of bird. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE GOT FORTY PHEASANTS! 6. DAYS geese a-laying By this point he'd better hope he's really her true love, because nobody else is going to put up with this psycho, who has just saddled his girlfriend with an entire flock of geese. At least they're laying! But don't pig out on omelettes just yet-you're about to have a ton of houseguests. DAYS Where are they swimming? Does she live near a lake? Or did he install a paddling pool for the swans Is it even legal to keep swans as pets!? swans a-swimming GIFT RATE AND CUMULATIVE TOTAL 236 TOTAL BIRDS 450 This is more than enough to qualify her house as a poultry farm, or possibly a zoo. She is 375 going to have a serious zoning problem on her hands. But she's probably going to need to 300 move house anyway, because a whole bunch of people are about to show up. 225 150 75 79 PEAK GIFTS PER DAY 4 5 6 9 11 12 10 1 2 Remember, these aren't actually all turning up at once. Every day this madman is bringing Gifts incl. Cattle Total Gifts Gifts per Day more birds, more ladies, more cattle, and in ever-increasing numbers. AAAAÄÄ. DAYS 40 maids a-milking Finally, some human beings to help take care of all these birds! But wait, what are they milking? Do they come with cattle in tow? The song is unclear, but a dairy cow weighs more than a ton, so you'd think it was a crucial detail whether or not she suddenly had to find a place to keep AAAA several dozen of them. THE CHRISTMAS EMPOREUM 123 FAKE ST. X 4 ANYTOWNE, CA 94063 36 (650) 555-1234 DAYS 11/26/10 10:05 05291/01 - 032 ladies dancing 289042 Jessica 大 大大 ★★ ** SAI F 大 ★★ ★ 大 ★ 文 ★ * The forty maids when they weren't a-milking were plenty of help with the birds at just six birds PARTRIDG 935156 per maid, in fact, they were pretty over-staffed. So why does she need all these ladies? And where did he find these ladies? What kind of dancing is it they do, exactly? 12 @ 161.99 1943.88 PEARTREE 935197 12 @ 161.99 PRTRDG DISCOUNT -1943.88 0.00 10 TRTLDOVE 935484 22 @ 50.00 DAYS 1100.00 FRNCHHEN 935116 30 @ 50.00 \lords a-leaping 1500.00 COLLYBRD 919016 36 @ 149.99 As if filling the house with thirty-six strippers wasn't enough, now there's a battalion of acrobatic aristocrats to deal with. Where are all these people going to sleep? 5399.64 GOLDRING 919018 40 @ 129.99 5199.60 GEESE 919310 42 @ 25.00 W/ LAYING 0.00 140 TOTAL PEOPLE 1050.00 SWANS 919139 42 @ 800.00 What exactly is the deal with all these people? Is she their legal guardian? Or are they more like employees? W/ SWIMMING 0.00 33600.00 Who's paying them? That's going to be expensive, especially if they unionize. MAIDS8HR 919555 40 @ 58.00 And if they're not employees, are they property? How do you even give people as gifts? Are we talking W/ MILKING 0.00 slavery here? This whole gift-giving idea has taken a turn for the creepy. 2320.00 LADIES 980606 36 @ 699.34 W/ DANCING 0.00 25176.12 11 111 LORDS 919268 22 30 @ 476.67 W/ LEAPING 0.00 DAYS 14300.10 PIPERS 909077 22 @ 214.20 W/ PIPING 0.00 pipers piping 4712.40 Apparently the racket from the birds and the commotion of the lords leaping on the ladies wasn't DRUMMERS 919100 12 @ 212.71 enough. Now she's got a band of non-stop flautists. Great. W/ DRUMMING 0.00 2552.55 SUBTOTAL 98854.29 SALES TAX @ 9.25% 9144.02 12 PURCHASE TOTAL 12 107998.31 DAY PAYMENT METHOD CASH ************* CUSTOMER COPY ************* drummers drumming At this point she's the proud owner of a 34-person orchestra consisting of exactly two instruments. No brass, no strings. These guys aren't going to get a lot of gigs. So much for hiring them out to pay for the sexual assault lawsuits the maids filed against the lords. BIRD TO STAFF RATIO Birds 90 Staff * Assumes the pipers 75 and drummers are too busy playing to help out with the birds. 60 1214 162 ES1O M 45 Things hit crisis point on day seven, when she's taking care of 84 birds all by 30 15 herself until the first 8 maids show up. But by day nine she already has way too 2 3 4 5 6 7 Day 9. 10 11 12 1 many people. Layoffs are inevitable. CONCLUSION On the one hand, her true love is obviously rich and well-connected, 376 TotAL GIfts $100,000 since he can lay his hands on well over worth of assorted live animals and hired help, some of whom are of noble birth. 416 INCLUDING THE AMBIGUOUS DAIRY HERD On the other hand, he's clearly completely unhinged. Sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cattle (weight of a dairy cow) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_Price_Index (approximate price of gifts) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twelve_Days_of_Christmas_(song) (everything clse) Written by Laurie Voss of seldo.com, and illustrated by Ricky Romero of rickyromero.net. Merry Christmas! Birds per Employee The Twelve Days of Christmas .by the numbers! 12 Days of Christmas - Arrangement by Anne Christopherson - ost of us are familiar with this charming traditional Yuletide carol, But M have you ever considered the practical implications of her true love's unbelievably generous gift-giving? Exactly how many geese do you end up with if somebody gives you 6 every day for the duration of Christmas! mf in part- ridge On the first day of Christ-mas my truc love gave to me WE'RE HERE TO BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU. x 12 DAYS partridge + pear tree So far, so good. 12 partridges, 12 pear trees. Hopefully she has a big garden to plant all these trees in, but at least the partridges come with their own trees to sleep in. Accommodation for poultry is going to become a big problem later on, as we'll see. to of Christ - mas my true love gave On the sec-ond day x 11 22 2 DAYS That is a lot of doves. Maybe they can bunk up with the partridges? turtle doves There's a fair amount of roosting room in the pear trees, one assumes. GIFT DISTRIBUTION x 10 DAYS Partridge Pear Tree Turtle Doves This is already getting out of hand. Where is she going to keep this many hens? Bird feed costs are beginning to mount up, too. A hen is for life, French Hens French hens Colly Birds not just for Christmas. Gold Rings Geese Swans Maids Ladies Lords DAYS colly birds Pipers Drummers 10 20 30 40 50 More birds? Seriously? These ones don't even sing or lay eggs. They just hang around building slingshots and terrorizing nearby pig farms. FUN FACT Different versions of the song sometimes refer to the fourth day's gift as "calling birds" or even “mockingbirds." But originally it was "colly birds," which was just another name for blackbirds. x 8 5 DAYS gold rings Finally, she thinks, something of high value, easily sold to pay for all this bird feed. But surprise! It turns out "gold rings" are actually another type of bird. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE GOT FORTY PHEASANTS! 6. DAYS geese a-laying By this point he'd better hope he's really her true love, because nobody else is going to put up with this psycho, who has just saddled his girlfriend with an entire flock of geese. At least they're laying! But don't pig out on omelettes just yet-you're about to have a ton of houseguests. DAYS Where are they swimming? Does she live near a lake? Or did he install a paddling pool for the swans Is it even legal to keep swans as pets!? swans a-swimming GIFT RATE AND CUMULATIVE TOTAL 236 TOTAL BIRDS 450 This is more than enough to qualify her house as a poultry farm, or possibly a zoo. She is 375 going to have a serious zoning problem on her hands. But she's probably going to need to 300 move house anyway, because a whole bunch of people are about to show up. 225 150 75 79 PEAK GIFTS PER DAY 4 5 6 9 11 12 10 1 2 Remember, these aren't actually all turning up at once. Every day this madman is bringing Gifts incl. Cattle Total Gifts Gifts per Day more birds, more ladies, more cattle, and in ever-increasing numbers. AAAAÄÄ. DAYS 40 maids a-milking Finally, some human beings to help take care of all these birds! But wait, what are they milking? Do they come with cattle in tow? The song is unclear, but a dairy cow weighs more than a ton, so you'd think it was a crucial detail whether or not she suddenly had to find a place to keep AAAA several dozen of them. THE CHRISTMAS EMPOREUM 123 FAKE ST. X 4 ANYTOWNE, CA 94063 36 (650) 555-1234 DAYS 11/26/10 10:05 05291/01 - 032 ladies dancing 289042 Jessica 大 大大 ★★ ** SAI F 大 ★★ ★ 大 ★ 文 ★ * The forty maids when they weren't a-milking were plenty of help with the birds at just six birds PARTRIDG 935156 per maid, in fact, they were pretty over-staffed. So why does she need all these ladies? And where did he find these ladies? What kind of dancing is it they do, exactly? 12 @ 161.99 1943.88 PEARTREE 935197 12 @ 161.99 PRTRDG DISCOUNT -1943.88 0.00 10 TRTLDOVE 935484 22 @ 50.00 DAYS 1100.00 FRNCHHEN 935116 30 @ 50.00 \lords a-leaping 1500.00 COLLYBRD 919016 36 @ 149.99 As if filling the house with thirty-six strippers wasn't enough, now there's a battalion of acrobatic aristocrats to deal with. Where are all these people going to sleep? 5399.64 GOLDRING 919018 40 @ 129.99 5199.60 GEESE 919310 42 @ 25.00 W/ LAYING 0.00 140 TOTAL PEOPLE 1050.00 SWANS 919139 42 @ 800.00 What exactly is the deal with all these people? Is she their legal guardian? Or are they more like employees? W/ SWIMMING 0.00 33600.00 Who's paying them? That's going to be expensive, especially if they unionize. MAIDS8HR 919555 40 @ 58.00 And if they're not employees, are they property? How do you even give people as gifts? Are we talking W/ MILKING 0.00 slavery here? This whole gift-giving idea has taken a turn for the creepy. 2320.00 LADIES 980606 36 @ 699.34 W/ DANCING 0.00 25176.12 11 111 LORDS 919268 22 30 @ 476.67 W/ LEAPING 0.00 DAYS 14300.10 PIPERS 909077 22 @ 214.20 W/ PIPING 0.00 pipers piping 4712.40 Apparently the racket from the birds and the commotion of the lords leaping on the ladies wasn't DRUMMERS 919100 12 @ 212.71 enough. Now she's got a band of non-stop flautists. Great. W/ DRUMMING 0.00 2552.55 SUBTOTAL 98854.29 SALES TAX @ 9.25% 9144.02 12 PURCHASE TOTAL 12 107998.31 DAY PAYMENT METHOD CASH ************* CUSTOMER COPY ************* drummers drumming At this point she's the proud owner of a 34-person orchestra consisting of exactly two instruments. No brass, no strings. These guys aren't going to get a lot of gigs. So much for hiring them out to pay for the sexual assault lawsuits the maids filed against the lords. BIRD TO STAFF RATIO Birds 90 Staff * Assumes the pipers 75 and drummers are too busy playing to help out with the birds. 60 1214 162 ES1O M 45 Things hit crisis point on day seven, when she's taking care of 84 birds all by 30 15 herself until the first 8 maids show up. But by day nine she already has way too 2 3 4 5 6 7 Day 9. 10 11 12 1 many people. Layoffs are inevitable. CONCLUSION On the one hand, her true love is obviously rich and well-connected, 376 TotAL GIfts $100,000 since he can lay his hands on well over worth of assorted live animals and hired help, some of whom are of noble birth. 416 INCLUDING THE AMBIGUOUS DAIRY HERD On the other hand, he's clearly completely unhinged. Sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cattle (weight of a dairy cow) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_Price_Index (approximate price of gifts) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twelve_Days_of_Christmas_(song) (everything clse) Written by Laurie Voss of seldo.com, and illustrated by Ricky Romero of rickyromero.net. Merry Christmas! Birds per Employee The Twelve Days of Christmas .by the numbers! 12 Days of Christmas - Arrangement by Anne Christopherson - ost of us are familiar with this charming traditional Yuletide carol, But M have you ever considered the practical implications of her true love's unbelievably generous gift-giving? Exactly how many geese do you end up with if somebody gives you 6 every day for the duration of Christmas! mf in part- ridge On the first day of Christ-mas my truc love gave to me WE'RE HERE TO BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU. x 12 DAYS partridge + pear tree So far, so good. 12 partridges, 12 pear trees. Hopefully she has a big garden to plant all these trees in, but at least the partridges come with their own trees to sleep in. Accommodation for poultry is going to become a big problem later on, as we'll see. to of Christ - mas my true love gave On the sec-ond day x 11 22 2 DAYS That is a lot of doves. Maybe they can bunk up with the partridges? turtle doves There's a fair amount of roosting room in the pear trees, one assumes. GIFT DISTRIBUTION x 10 DAYS Partridge Pear Tree Turtle Doves This is already getting out of hand. Where is she going to keep this many hens? Bird feed costs are beginning to mount up, too. A hen is for life, French Hens French hens Colly Birds not just for Christmas. Gold Rings Geese Swans Maids Ladies Lords DAYS colly birds Pipers Drummers 10 20 30 40 50 More birds? Seriously? These ones don't even sing or lay eggs. They just hang around building slingshots and terrorizing nearby pig farms. FUN FACT Different versions of the song sometimes refer to the fourth day's gift as "calling birds" or even “mockingbirds." But originally it was "colly birds," which was just another name for blackbirds. x 8 5 DAYS gold rings Finally, she thinks, something of high value, easily sold to pay for all this bird feed. But surprise! It turns out "gold rings" are actually another type of bird. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE GOT FORTY PHEASANTS! 6. DAYS geese a-laying By this point he'd better hope he's really her true love, because nobody else is going to put up with this psycho, who has just saddled his girlfriend with an entire flock of geese. At least they're laying! But don't pig out on omelettes just yet-you're about to have a ton of houseguests. DAYS Where are they swimming? Does she live near a lake? Or did he install a paddling pool for the swans Is it even legal to keep swans as pets!? swans a-swimming GIFT RATE AND CUMULATIVE TOTAL 236 TOTAL BIRDS 450 This is more than enough to qualify her house as a poultry farm, or possibly a zoo. She is 375 going to have a serious zoning problem on her hands. But she's probably going to need to 300 move house anyway, because a whole bunch of people are about to show up. 225 150 75 79 PEAK GIFTS PER DAY 4 5 6 9 11 12 10 1 2 Remember, these aren't actually all turning up at once. Every day this madman is bringing Gifts incl. Cattle Total Gifts Gifts per Day more birds, more ladies, more cattle, and in ever-increasing numbers. AAAAÄÄ. DAYS 40 maids a-milking Finally, some human beings to help take care of all these birds! But wait, what are they milking? Do they come with cattle in tow? The song is unclear, but a dairy cow weighs more than a ton, so you'd think it was a crucial detail whether or not she suddenly had to find a place to keep AAAA several dozen of them. THE CHRISTMAS EMPOREUM 123 FAKE ST. X 4 ANYTOWNE, CA 94063 36 (650) 555-1234 DAYS 11/26/10 10:05 05291/01 - 032 ladies dancing 289042 Jessica 大 大大 ★★ ** SAI F 大 ★★ ★ 大 ★ 文 ★ * The forty maids when they weren't a-milking were plenty of help with the birds at just six birds PARTRIDG 935156 per maid, in fact, they were pretty over-staffed. So why does she need all these ladies? And where did he find these ladies? What kind of dancing is it they do, exactly? 12 @ 161.99 1943.88 PEARTREE 935197 12 @ 161.99 PRTRDG DISCOUNT -1943.88 0.00 10 TRTLDOVE 935484 22 @ 50.00 DAYS 1100.00 FRNCHHEN 935116 30 @ 50.00 \lords a-leaping 1500.00 COLLYBRD 919016 36 @ 149.99 As if filling the house with thirty-six strippers wasn't enough, now there's a battalion of acrobatic aristocrats to deal with. Where are all these people going to sleep? 5399.64 GOLDRING 919018 40 @ 129.99 5199.60 GEESE 919310 42 @ 25.00 W/ LAYING 0.00 140 TOTAL PEOPLE 1050.00 SWANS 919139 42 @ 800.00 What exactly is the deal with all these people? Is she their legal guardian? Or are they more like employees? W/ SWIMMING 0.00 33600.00 Who's paying them? That's going to be expensive, especially if they unionize. MAIDS8HR 919555 40 @ 58.00 And if they're not employees, are they property? How do you even give people as gifts? Are we talking W/ MILKING 0.00 slavery here? This whole gift-giving idea has taken a turn for the creepy. 2320.00 LADIES 980606 36 @ 699.34 W/ DANCING 0.00 25176.12 11 111 LORDS 919268 22 30 @ 476.67 W/ LEAPING 0.00 DAYS 14300.10 PIPERS 909077 22 @ 214.20 W/ PIPING 0.00 pipers piping 4712.40 Apparently the racket from the birds and the commotion of the lords leaping on the ladies wasn't DRUMMERS 919100 12 @ 212.71 enough. Now she's got a band of non-stop flautists. Great. W/ DRUMMING 0.00 2552.55 SUBTOTAL 98854.29 SALES TAX @ 9.25% 9144.02 12 PURCHASE TOTAL 12 107998.31 DAY PAYMENT METHOD CASH ************* CUSTOMER COPY ************* drummers drumming At this point she's the proud owner of a 34-person orchestra consisting of exactly two instruments. No brass, no strings. These guys aren't going to get a lot of gigs. So much for hiring them out to pay for the sexual assault lawsuits the maids filed against the lords. BIRD TO STAFF RATIO Birds 90 Staff * Assumes the pipers 75 and drummers are too busy playing to help out with the birds. 60 1214 162 ES1O M 45 Things hit crisis point on day seven, when she's taking care of 84 birds all by 30 15 herself until the first 8 maids show up. But by day nine she already has way too 2 3 4 5 6 7 Day 9. 10 11 12 1 many people. Layoffs are inevitable. CONCLUSION On the one hand, her true love is obviously rich and well-connected, 376 TotAL GIfts $100,000 since he can lay his hands on well over worth of assorted live animals and hired help, some of whom are of noble birth. 416 INCLUDING THE AMBIGUOUS DAIRY HERD On the other hand, he's clearly completely unhinged. Sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cattle (weight of a dairy cow) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_Price_Index (approximate price of gifts) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twelve_Days_of_Christmas_(song) (everything clse) Written by Laurie Voss of seldo.com, and illustrated by Ricky Romero of rickyromero.net. Merry Christmas! Birds per Employee The Twelve Days of Christmas .by the numbers! 12 Days of Christmas - Arrangement by Anne Christopherson - ost of us are familiar with this charming traditional Yuletide carol, But M have you ever considered the practical implications of her true love's unbelievably generous gift-giving? Exactly how many geese do you end up with if somebody gives you 6 every day for the duration of Christmas! mf in part- ridge On the first day of Christ-mas my truc love gave to me WE'RE HERE TO BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU. x 12 DAYS partridge + pear tree So far, so good. 12 partridges, 12 pear trees. Hopefully she has a big garden to plant all these trees in, but at least the partridges come with their own trees to sleep in. Accommodation for poultry is going to become a big problem later on, as we'll see. to of Christ - mas my true love gave On the sec-ond day x 11 22 2 DAYS That is a lot of doves. Maybe they can bunk up with the partridges? turtle doves There's a fair amount of roosting room in the pear trees, one assumes. GIFT DISTRIBUTION x 10 DAYS Partridge Pear Tree Turtle Doves This is already getting out of hand. Where is she going to keep this many hens? Bird feed costs are beginning to mount up, too. A hen is for life, French Hens French hens Colly Birds not just for Christmas. Gold Rings Geese Swans Maids Ladies Lords DAYS colly birds Pipers Drummers 10 20 30 40 50 More birds? Seriously? These ones don't even sing or lay eggs. They just hang around building slingshots and terrorizing nearby pig farms. FUN FACT Different versions of the song sometimes refer to the fourth day's gift as "calling birds" or even “mockingbirds." But originally it was "colly birds," which was just another name for blackbirds. x 8 5 DAYS gold rings Finally, she thinks, something of high value, easily sold to pay for all this bird feed. But surprise! It turns out "gold rings" are actually another type of bird. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE GOT FORTY PHEASANTS! 6. DAYS geese a-laying By this point he'd better hope he's really her true love, because nobody else is going to put up with this psycho, who has just saddled his girlfriend with an entire flock of geese. At least they're laying! But don't pig out on omelettes just yet-you're about to have a ton of houseguests. DAYS Where are they swimming? Does she live near a lake? Or did he install a paddling pool for the swans Is it even legal to keep swans as pets!? swans a-swimming GIFT RATE AND CUMULATIVE TOTAL 236 TOTAL BIRDS 450 This is more than enough to qualify her house as a poultry farm, or possibly a zoo. She is 375 going to have a serious zoning problem on her hands. But she's probably going to need to 300 move house anyway, because a whole bunch of people are about to show up. 225 150 75 79 PEAK GIFTS PER DAY 4 5 6 9 11 12 10 1 2 Remember, these aren't actually all turning up at once. Every day this madman is bringing Gifts incl. Cattle Total Gifts Gifts per Day more birds, more ladies, more cattle, and in ever-increasing numbers. AAAAÄÄ. DAYS 40 maids a-milking Finally, some human beings to help take care of all these birds! But wait, what are they milking? Do they come with cattle in tow? The song is unclear, but a dairy cow weighs more than a ton, so you'd think it was a crucial detail whether or not she suddenly had to find a place to keep AAAA several dozen of them. THE CHRISTMAS EMPOREUM 123 FAKE ST. X 4 ANYTOWNE, CA 94063 36 (650) 555-1234 DAYS 11/26/10 10:05 05291/01 - 032 ladies dancing 289042 Jessica 大 大大 ★★ ** SAI F 大 ★★ ★ 大 ★ 文 ★ * The forty maids when they weren't a-milking were plenty of help with the birds at just six birds PARTRIDG 935156 per maid, in fact, they were pretty over-staffed. So why does she need all these ladies? And where did he find these ladies? What kind of dancing is it they do, exactly? 12 @ 161.99 1943.88 PEARTREE 935197 12 @ 161.99 PRTRDG DISCOUNT -1943.88 0.00 10 TRTLDOVE 935484 22 @ 50.00 DAYS 1100.00 FRNCHHEN 935116 30 @ 50.00 \lords a-leaping 1500.00 COLLYBRD 919016 36 @ 149.99 As if filling the house with thirty-six strippers wasn't enough, now there's a battalion of acrobatic aristocrats to deal with. Where are all these people going to sleep? 5399.64 GOLDRING 919018 40 @ 129.99 5199.60 GEESE 919310 42 @ 25.00 W/ LAYING 0.00 140 TOTAL PEOPLE 1050.00 SWANS 919139 42 @ 800.00 What exactly is the deal with all these people? Is she their legal guardian? Or are they more like employees? W/ SWIMMING 0.00 33600.00 Who's paying them? That's going to be expensive, especially if they unionize. MAIDS8HR 919555 40 @ 58.00 And if they're not employees, are they property? How do you even give people as gifts? Are we talking W/ MILKING 0.00 slavery here? This whole gift-giving idea has taken a turn for the creepy. 2320.00 LADIES 980606 36 @ 699.34 W/ DANCING 0.00 25176.12 11 111 LORDS 919268 22 30 @ 476.67 W/ LEAPING 0.00 DAYS 14300.10 PIPERS 909077 22 @ 214.20 W/ PIPING 0.00 pipers piping 4712.40 Apparently the racket from the birds and the commotion of the lords leaping on the ladies wasn't DRUMMERS 919100 12 @ 212.71 enough. Now she's got a band of non-stop flautists. Great. W/ DRUMMING 0.00 2552.55 SUBTOTAL 98854.29 SALES TAX @ 9.25% 9144.02 12 PURCHASE TOTAL 12 107998.31 DAY PAYMENT METHOD CASH ************* CUSTOMER COPY ************* drummers drumming At this point she's the proud owner of a 34-person orchestra consisting of exactly two instruments. No brass, no strings. These guys aren't going to get a lot of gigs. So much for hiring them out to pay for the sexual assault lawsuits the maids filed against the lords. BIRD TO STAFF RATIO Birds 90 Staff * Assumes the pipers 75 and drummers are too busy playing to help out with the birds. 60 1214 162 ES1O M 45 Things hit crisis point on day seven, when she's taking care of 84 birds all by 30 15 herself until the first 8 maids show up. But by day nine she already has way too 2 3 4 5 6 7 Day 9. 10 11 12 1 many people. Layoffs are inevitable. CONCLUSION On the one hand, her true love is obviously rich and well-connected, 376 TotAL GIfts $100,000 since he can lay his hands on well over worth of assorted live animals and hired help, some of whom are of noble birth. 416 INCLUDING THE AMBIGUOUS DAIRY HERD On the other hand, he's clearly completely unhinged. Sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cattle (weight of a dairy cow) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_Price_Index (approximate price of gifts) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twelve_Days_of_Christmas_(song) (everything clse) Written by Laurie Voss of seldo.com, and illustrated by Ricky Romero of rickyromero.net. Merry Christmas! Birds per Employee The Twelve Days of Christmas .by the numbers! 12 Days of Christmas - Arrangement by Anne Christopherson - ost of us are familiar with this charming traditional Yuletide carol, But M have you ever considered the practical implications of her true love's unbelievably generous gift-giving? Exactly how many geese do you end up with if somebody gives you 6 every day for the duration of Christmas! mf in part- ridge On the first day of Christ-mas my truc love gave to me WE'RE HERE TO BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU. x 12 DAYS partridge + pear tree So far, so good. 12 partridges, 12 pear trees. Hopefully she has a big garden to plant all these trees in, but at least the partridges come with their own trees to sleep in. Accommodation for poultry is going to become a big problem later on, as we'll see. to of Christ - mas my true love gave On the sec-ond day x 11 22 2 DAYS That is a lot of doves. Maybe they can bunk up with the partridges? turtle doves There's a fair amount of roosting room in the pear trees, one assumes. GIFT DISTRIBUTION x 10 DAYS Partridge Pear Tree Turtle Doves This is already getting out of hand. Where is she going to keep this many hens? Bird feed costs are beginning to mount up, too. A hen is for life, French Hens French hens Colly Birds not just for Christmas. Gold Rings Geese Swans Maids Ladies Lords DAYS colly birds Pipers Drummers 10 20 30 40 50 More birds? Seriously? These ones don't even sing or lay eggs. They just hang around building slingshots and terrorizing nearby pig farms. FUN FACT Different versions of the song sometimes refer to the fourth day's gift as "calling birds" or even “mockingbirds." But originally it was "colly birds," which was just another name for blackbirds. x 8 5 DAYS gold rings Finally, she thinks, something of high value, easily sold to pay for all this bird feed. But surprise! It turns out "gold rings" are actually another type of bird. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE GOT FORTY PHEASANTS! 6. DAYS geese a-laying By this point he'd better hope he's really her true love, because nobody else is going to put up with this psycho, who has just saddled his girlfriend with an entire flock of geese. At least they're laying! But don't pig out on omelettes just yet-you're about to have a ton of houseguests. DAYS Where are they swimming? Does she live near a lake? Or did he install a paddling pool for the swans Is it even legal to keep swans as pets!? swans a-swimming GIFT RATE AND CUMULATIVE TOTAL 236 TOTAL BIRDS 450 This is more than enough to qualify her house as a poultry farm, or possibly a zoo. She is 375 going to have a serious zoning problem on her hands. But she's probably going to need to 300 move house anyway, because a whole bunch of people are about to show up. 225 150 75 79 PEAK GIFTS PER DAY 4 5 6 9 11 12 10 1 2 Remember, these aren't actually all turning up at once. Every day this madman is bringing Gifts incl. Cattle Total Gifts Gifts per Day more birds, more ladies, more cattle, and in ever-increasing numbers. AAAAÄÄ. DAYS 40 maids a-milking Finally, some human beings to help take care of all these birds! But wait, what are they milking? Do they come with cattle in tow? The song is unclear, but a dairy cow weighs more than a ton, so you'd think it was a crucial detail whether or not she suddenly had to find a place to keep AAAA several dozen of them. THE CHRISTMAS EMPOREUM 123 FAKE ST. X 4 ANYTOWNE, CA 94063 36 (650) 555-1234 DAYS 11/26/10 10:05 05291/01 - 032 ladies dancing 289042 Jessica 大 大大 ★★ ** SAI F 大 ★★ ★ 大 ★ 文 ★ * The forty maids when they weren't a-milking were plenty of help with the birds at just six birds PARTRIDG 935156 per maid, in fact, they were pretty over-staffed. So why does she need all these ladies? And where did he find these ladies? What kind of dancing is it they do, exactly? 12 @ 161.99 1943.88 PEARTREE 935197 12 @ 161.99 PRTRDG DISCOUNT -1943.88 0.00 10 TRTLDOVE 935484 22 @ 50.00 DAYS 1100.00 FRNCHHEN 935116 30 @ 50.00 \lords a-leaping 1500.00 COLLYBRD 919016 36 @ 149.99 As if filling the house with thirty-six strippers wasn't enough, now there's a battalion of acrobatic aristocrats to deal with. Where are all these people going to sleep? 5399.64 GOLDRING 919018 40 @ 129.99 5199.60 GEESE 919310 42 @ 25.00 W/ LAYING 0.00 140 TOTAL PEOPLE 1050.00 SWANS 919139 42 @ 800.00 What exactly is the deal with all these people? Is she their legal guardian? Or are they more like employees? W/ SWIMMING 0.00 33600.00 Who's paying them? That's going to be expensive, especially if they unionize. MAIDS8HR 919555 40 @ 58.00 And if they're not employees, are they property? How do you even give people as gifts? Are we talking W/ MILKING 0.00 slavery here? This whole gift-giving idea has taken a turn for the creepy. 2320.00 LADIES 980606 36 @ 699.34 W/ DANCING 0.00 25176.12 11 111 LORDS 919268 22 30 @ 476.67 W/ LEAPING 0.00 DAYS 14300.10 PIPERS 909077 22 @ 214.20 W/ PIPING 0.00 pipers piping 4712.40 Apparently the racket from the birds and the commotion of the lords leaping on the ladies wasn't DRUMMERS 919100 12 @ 212.71 enough. Now she's got a band of non-stop flautists. Great. W/ DRUMMING 0.00 2552.55 SUBTOTAL 98854.29 SALES TAX @ 9.25% 9144.02 12 PURCHASE TOTAL 12 107998.31 DAY PAYMENT METHOD CASH ************* CUSTOMER COPY ************* drummers drumming At this point she's the proud owner of a 34-person orchestra consisting of exactly two instruments. No brass, no strings. These guys aren't going to get a lot of gigs. So much for hiring them out to pay for the sexual assault lawsuits the maids filed against the lords. BIRD TO STAFF RATIO Birds 90 Staff * Assumes the pipers 75 and drummers are too busy playing to help out with the birds. 60 1214 162 ES1O M 45 Things hit crisis point on day seven, when she's taking care of 84 birds all by 30 15 herself until the first 8 maids show up. But by day nine she already has way too 2 3 4 5 6 7 Day 9. 10 11 12 1 many people. Layoffs are inevitable. CONCLUSION On the one hand, her true love is obviously rich and well-connected, 376 TotAL GIfts $100,000 since he can lay his hands on well over worth of assorted live animals and hired help, some of whom are of noble birth. 416 INCLUDING THE AMBIGUOUS DAIRY HERD On the other hand, he's clearly completely unhinged. Sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cattle (weight of a dairy cow) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_Price_Index (approximate price of gifts) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twelve_Days_of_Christmas_(song) (everything clse) Written by Laurie Voss of seldo.com, and illustrated by Ricky Romero of rickyromero.net. Merry Christmas! Birds per Employee The Twelve Days of Christmas .by the numbers! 12 Days of Christmas - Arrangement by Anne Christopherson - ost of us are familiar with this charming traditional Yuletide carol, But M have you ever considered the practical implications of her true love's unbelievably generous gift-giving? Exactly how many geese do you end up with if somebody gives you 6 every day for the duration of Christmas! mf in part- ridge On the first day of Christ-mas my truc love gave to me WE'RE HERE TO BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU. x 12 DAYS partridge + pear tree So far, so good. 12 partridges, 12 pear trees. Hopefully she has a big garden to plant all these trees in, but at least the partridges come with their own trees to sleep in. Accommodation for poultry is going to become a big problem later on, as we'll see. to of Christ - mas my true love gave On the sec-ond day x 11 22 2 DAYS That is a lot of doves. Maybe they can bunk up with the partridges? turtle doves There's a fair amount of roosting room in the pear trees, one assumes. GIFT DISTRIBUTION x 10 DAYS Partridge Pear Tree Turtle Doves This is already getting out of hand. Where is she going to keep this many hens? Bird feed costs are beginning to mount up, too. A hen is for life, French Hens French hens Colly Birds not just for Christmas. Gold Rings Geese Swans Maids Ladies Lords DAYS colly birds Pipers Drummers 10 20 30 40 50 More birds? Seriously? These ones don't even sing or lay eggs. They just hang around building slingshots and terrorizing nearby pig farms. FUN FACT Different versions of the song sometimes refer to the fourth day's gift as "calling birds" or even “mockingbirds." But originally it was "colly birds," which was just another name for blackbirds. x 8 5 DAYS gold rings Finally, she thinks, something of high value, easily sold to pay for all this bird feed. But surprise! It turns out "gold rings" are actually another type of bird. CONGRATULATIONS, YOU'VE GOT FORTY PHEASANTS! 6. DAYS geese a-laying By this point he'd better hope he's really her true love, because nobody else is going to put up with this psycho, who has just saddled his girlfriend with an entire flock of geese. At least they're laying! But don't pig out on omelettes just yet-you're about to have a ton of houseguests. DAYS Where are they swimming? Does she live near a lake? Or did he install a paddling pool for the swans Is it even legal to keep swans as pets!? swans a-swimming GIFT RATE AND CUMULATIVE TOTAL 236 TOTAL BIRDS 450 This is more than enough to qualify her house as a poultry farm, or possibly a zoo. She is 375 going to have a serious zoning problem on her hands. But she's probably going to need to 300 move house anyway, because a whole bunch of people are about to show up. 225 150 75 79 PEAK GIFTS PER DAY 4 5 6 9 11 12 10 1 2 Remember, these aren't actually all turning up at once. Every day this madman is bringing Gifts incl. Cattle Total Gifts Gifts per Day more birds, more ladies, more cattle, and in ever-increasing numbers. AAAAÄÄ. DAYS 40 maids a-milking Finally, some human beings to help take care of all these birds! But wait, what are they milking? Do they come with cattle in tow? The song is unclear, but a dairy cow weighs more than a ton, so you'd think it was a crucial detail whether or not she suddenly had to find a place to keep AAAA several dozen of them. THE CHRISTMAS EMPOREUM 123 FAKE ST. X 4 ANYTOWNE, CA 94063 36 (650) 555-1234 DAYS 11/26/10 10:05 05291/01 - 032 ladies dancing 289042 Jessica 大 大大 ★★ ** SAI F 大 ★★ ★ 大 ★ 文 ★ * The forty maids when they weren't a-milking were plenty of help with the birds at just six birds PARTRIDG 935156 per maid, in fact, they were pretty over-staffed. So why does she need all these ladies? And where did he find these ladies? What kind of dancing is it they do, exactly? 12 @ 161.99 1943.88 PEARTREE 935197 12 @ 161.99 PRTRDG DISCOUNT -1943.88 0.00 10 TRTLDOVE 935484 22 @ 50.00 DAYS 1100.00 FRNCHHEN 935116 30 @ 50.00 \lords a-leaping 1500.00 COLLYBRD 919016 36 @ 149.99 As if filling the house with thirty-six strippers wasn't enough, now there's a battalion of acrobatic aristocrats to deal with. Where are all these people going to sleep? 5399.64 GOLDRING 919018 40 @ 129.99 5199.60 GEESE 919310 42 @ 25.00 W/ LAYING 0.00 140 TOTAL PEOPLE 1050.00 SWANS 919139 42 @ 800.00 What exactly is the deal with all these people? Is she their legal guardian? Or are they more like employees? W/ SWIMMING 0.00 33600.00 Who's paying them? That's going to be expensive, especially if they unionize. MAIDS8HR 919555 40 @ 58.00 And if they're not employees, are they property? How do you even give people as gifts? Are we talking W/ MILKING 0.00 slavery here? This whole gift-giving idea has taken a turn for the creepy. 2320.00 LADIES 980606 36 @ 699.34 W/ DANCING 0.00 25176.12 11 111 LORDS 919268 22 30 @ 476.67 W/ LEAPING 0.00 DAYS 14300.10 PIPERS 909077 22 @ 214.20 W/ PIPING 0.00 pipers piping 4712.40 Apparently the racket from the birds and the commotion of the lords leaping on the ladies wasn't DRUMMERS 919100 12 @ 212.71 enough. Now she's got a band of non-stop flautists. Great. W/ DRUMMING 0.00 2552.55 SUBTOTAL 98854.29 SALES TAX @ 9.25% 9144.02 12 PURCHASE TOTAL 12 107998.31 DAY PAYMENT METHOD CASH ************* CUSTOMER COPY ************* drummers drumming At this point she's the proud owner of a 34-person orchestra consisting of exactly two instruments. No brass, no strings. These guys aren't going to get a lot of gigs. So much for hiring them out to pay for the sexual assault lawsuits the maids filed against the lords. BIRD TO STAFF RATIO Birds 90 Staff * Assumes the pipers 75 and drummers are too busy playing to help out with the birds. 60 1214 162 ES1O M 45 Things hit crisis point on day seven, when she's taking care of 84 birds all by 30 15 herself until the first 8 maids show up. But by day nine she already has way too 2 3 4 5 6 7 Day 9. 10 11 12 1 many people. Layoffs are inevitable. CONCLUSION On the one hand, her true love is obviously rich and well-connected, 376 TotAL GIfts $100,000 since he can lay his hands on well over worth of assorted live animals and hired help, some of whom are of noble birth. 416 INCLUDING THE AMBIGUOUS DAIRY HERD On the other hand, he's clearly completely unhinged. Sources: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cattle (weight of a dairy cow) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_Price_Index (approximate price of gifts) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twelve_Days_of_Christmas_(song) (everything clse) Written by Laurie Voss of seldo.com, and illustrated by Ricky Romero of rickyromero.net. Merry Christmas! Birds per Employee

The 12 Days of Christmas

shared by Angel on Nov 07
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In this infographic they break down the Chrstmas Carol the 12 Days of Christmas to show exactly how many of each gift you would receive as the song suggests. It also provides some fun Christmas facts.

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