What Should I Bring To Thanksgiving?

WHAT SHOULD I BRING TO THANKSGIVING? A hearty appetite and basic manners A PRACTICAL FLOW CHART Nope, just a kid (START HERE) Flask concealed as a pair of binoculars e Irresponsible adult ARE YOU A RESPONSIBLE ADULT? Cossack Vodka Potato Buds, bitchez!!! No, college student K Yes, and we're debating Domino's wings versus KFC COOKING FOR OTHER COLLEGE STUDENTS? Yes No, cooking - for the fam Whatever Mom tells you to bring Yes, and we're foodies, dammit! Pressed watermelon. okra, and balsamic micropearl salad, a bit slimy but it should be OK Heritage-style, non-corn-syrup- laden pecan pie IS THANKSGIVING GOING TO BE A BOMB-CRATERED WAR ZONE? Grandma's Non-heritage-style, corn- syrup-laden pecan pie Thanksgiving No, it should be cool € Grandma's totally unreconstructed Thanksgiving WHO'S HOSTING? Yes My friends' casual Thanksgiving My own hosted Thanksgiving My own hosted Thanksgiving adju- dicated by food-snob motber-in-law Bombers of Dogfish Head Ale Turkey and gravy's a good thought NATURE OF STRIFE? Turkey... brined with artisanal cider? And rubbed... with gourmet spices? From Tuscany? Relatives sullen unless drunk Relatives hate Democrats 512-ounce "mega"-size box wine Relatives bate each other, me Relatives hate change A vegan bean loaf, just to get things started Pilgrim-themed Taser The ancient marshmallow yams of sorrow CHOW