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Transcript

The Ultimate Excuse Creator

THE EXCUSE CREATOR



CHOOSE A LEAD-IN:



I'm sorry but...

Please forgive me...

Beg you a thousand pardons...

I apologize, however...

I'm never usually like this...

You're never going to believe this...

Guess what happened?!?...

Holy shit! Get this...

Boy do I have a story for you...

So I was minding my own business and boom!...

The most unbelieveable thing just happened...

I couldn't be more apologetic but...

Sorry I'm late,...

I couldn't go because...

I couldn't help it...

This is a terrible excuse but...

This is going to sound crazy but...

Holy Moses!...

Blimey! Sorry I'm late guv'nha...

My bad...

I swear it wasn't my fault...

I lost track of time because...

I feel terrible, but...

Don't blame me...



CHOOSE A PERPETRATOR



your mom...

Princess Peach...

Godzilla...

the offensive line of the '76 Dallas Cowboys...

a handicapped gentleman...

a triceratops named Penelope...

the inventor of the slanket...

the director of 101 Dalmatians...

the little Asian kid from Indiana Jones...

a man with 6 fingers on his right hand...

my mom...

Raiden from Mortal Kombat...

Mayor McCheese...

Scrooge McDuck...

the ghost of Margaret Thatcher...

the ghost of Hitler...

Ghost Dad...

the entire Roman Empire...

Kevin Ware's leg bone...

a British chap...

a Hasidic Jew...

Kevin Spacey...

Kevin Costner's stunt double...

Kevin McCallister's real life fake tarantula...

the editors of Mandatory...



CHOOSE A DELAYING FACTOR



gave me a hickey.

tried to kill me.

ran me over with a diesel backhoe.

died in front of me.

ate my homework.

tried to seduce me.

beat me into submission.

hid my Trapper Keeper.

stole my bicycle.

slept with my uncle.

called me "too gay to fly a kite," whatever that means.

stole my identity.

broke into my house.

put me in a Chinese finger trap.

came after me.

came on me.

texted racial slurs from my phone.

spin-kicked me in the collar bone.

tried to sell me vacuum cleaners.

crapped in my gas tank.

made me golf in shoes filled with macaroni and cheese.

pulled me over in a stolen cop car and demanded fellatio.

made me find Jesus.

kept telling me knock knock jokes. THE EXCUSE CREATOR CHOOSE A LEAD-IN CHOOSE A CHOOSE A PERPETRATOR DELAYING FACTOR O I'm sorry but... O your mom... O gave me a hickey. O Please forgive me... O Princess Peach... O tried to kill me. O ran me over with a diescl backhoe. O Beg you a thousand par- O Godzilla.. dons... O the offensive line of the *76 Dallas Cowboys... O died in front of me. O I apologize, however... O I'm never usually like O a handicapped gentle- O ate my honework. this... O tried to seduce me. man... O a triceratops named Penelope. O the inventor of the slan- O You're never going to O beat me into submission. believe this... O Guess what hap- O hid my Trapper Keeper. ket... pened?!?. O stole my bicycle. O the director of 101 Dal- mations... O Holy shit! Get this... O slept with my uncle. O Boy do I have a story for O the little Asian kid from Indiana Jones... O called me "too gay to fly a kite," whatever that you... O a man with 6 fingers on his right hand.. O So I was minding my own means. business and boom!... O stole my identity. O The most unbelievable O my mom... O broke into my house. thing just happened.. O Raiden from Mortal Kombat... O put me in a Chinese finger O I couldn't be more apolo- trap. getic but... O Mayor McCheese... O came after me. O Sorry I'm late,. O Scrooge McDuck... O came on me. O I couldn't go because... O the ghost of Margaret O texted racial slurs from my phone. Thatcher.. O I couldn't help it... O the ghost of Hitler... O This is a terrible excuse O spin-kicked me in the O Ghost Dad.. collar bone. but.. O the entire Roman O tried to sell me vacuum O This is going to sound crazy but. 12 O Holv Moses!.. Empire... cleaners. O Kevin Ware's leg bone... O crapped in my gas tank. O a British chap... O made me golf in shoes O Blimey! Sorry I'm late guv'nha. filled with macaroni and O a Hasidic Jew... cheese. O My bad... O Kevin Spacey.. O pulled me over in a stolen cop car and demanded O Kevin Costner's stunt double... O I swcar it wasn't my fault. fellatio. O I lost track of time O Kevin McCallister's real made me find Jesus. because.. life fake tarantuala... O kept telling me knock knock jokes. O I feel terrible, but... O the editors at Mandato- ry... O Don't blame me... MANDATORY.com

The Ultimate Excuse Creator

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Late to work? Can't make it to the party? Need an excuse to get out of going to your bratty sister's mind-numbingly tedious production of "Peter Pan"? We've got you covered, with an excuse creator for...

Publisher

Mandatory

Designer


Tags

funny humor

Category

Humor
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