Transcript

Slopeside Survival... From The Undead!

interaki You think your instructor the aosta valley experts www.interski.co.uk spends their day teaching people to ski - GUIDE TO SLOPESIDE SURVIVAL wrong! Secretly, the Interski Snowsport School is a specially trained, elite government unit whose real purpose is to protect the skiing public from the diabolical deeds of the undead! FROM THE UNDEAD AS A SPECIAL TREAT FOR HALLOWEEN, WE SHARE THE SECRETS OF HOW TO SURVIVE SLOPESIDE... FROM THE UNDEAD! WATCH OUT FOR THE UNDEAD ! ALIENS EVIL ROBOTS VAMPIRES 12% 61% CHANCE OF ENCOUNTER CHANCE OF ENCOUNTER CHANCE OF ENCOUNTER BIGFOOTS WOLFMEN ZOMBIES 78% 92% 10% CHANCE OF ENCOUNTER CHANCE OF ENCOUNTER CHANCE OF ENCOUNTER UNDEAD SPECIFIC TO THE REGION AND ESPECIALLY DANGEROUS! VAMPIRE SQUIRRELS MUTANT MARMOTTES 98% 97% CHANCE OF ENCOUNTER CHANCE OF ENCOUNTER DEFENCE TECHNOLOGY VS. THE UNDEAD interaki ELITE TOOHJS GLOVES SKI BOOTS GOGGLES GREAT FOR PROTECTION AGAINST BITES FROM SMALLER FIENDS LIKE THEE VAMPIRE SQUIRREL OR THE MUTANT MARMOTTE! DO NOT PROTECT YOU FROM VAMPIRE BATS AND ALIEN LASERS. TOUCH THE UNDEAD! LIGHTS FURRY HATS SNOWBALLS (FOR HIDING) THE BEST WEAPONS MOST EFFECTIVE AGAINST THE UNDEAD SKI POLES SKIS We advise wooden poles wherever possible - the wood has an extremely detrimental effect on vampires! Waxed and edged, great for a quick getaway or a makeshift club to ward off zombies and other creatures - always aim for the head! T. AVALANCHE SHOVEL WATER BOTTLE CRUCIFIX Ensure your water bottle is topped up with none other than holy water – available from all good churches. This innocuous looking liquid has the effect of acid on most creatures of the night, so can be a lifesaver in most situations. Not only an item of fashion amongst certain members of the A-Team, but a true weapon against the creatures of darkness. There are few if any, that can withstand the shadow of the cross - just hope for a fairly sunny day! Particularly effective against witches who will burst into flames upon sight alone. An improvised club for bashing zombies over the head. Also useful for beheading vampires and swatting vampire bats. Your best defence against evil robots and flying saucers. HIP FLASK GARLIC Although rarely spotted, Frankenstein's monster can prove to be a particularly troublesome fiend. Stronger than 10 men and lacking compassion and remorse, he can only be defeated by one thing - with fire! So, we recommend that you never leave the hotel without your hipflask... topped up with none other than that old Italian staple - Sambuca! A quick flash of the cigarette lighter and it's bye bye big SILVER BULLETS We're not entirely convinced this forms part of your every day ski kit, but hey, why not? Garlic is a very effective Obviously this is the way to kill the wolf man, and similar metals, like the steel and aluminum in your skis and ski poles, will inflict damage on the undead. weapon against the devil's servants, so although you may not be thanked for the aroma it brings with it, there's every chance it could be used to at least buy you some time to make your escape from slopeside fiends. Alternatively, it's great on pastas! green man! SCARY MONSTER FACTS VAMPIRES ARE ACTUALLY VERY COMFORTABLE IN THE SNOW. THE WINTER LOWS IN TRANSYLVANIA REACH -76°C 09 37.8% 44.6% PERCENTAGE OF PEOPLE ATTACKED BY THE UNDEAD ON THE SLOPES WHILST SKIING IN EUROPE WHO SURVIVE AND GO ON TO MAKE A FULL RECOVERY PERCENTAGE OF UNDEAD CREATURES PERFORMING ATTACKS ON INNOCENT SKIERS WHO SHOW REMORSE, PERCENTAGE OF BOTH STATISTICS AND 100% INFORMATION ON THIS INFOGRAPHIC WWHICH IS COMPLETEY, TOTALLY AND ABSOLUTELY MADE UP! ENJOY HALLOWEEN... AND BEWWARE THE SLOPESIDE SLAYERS! ônteraki www.interski.co.uk the aosta valley experts A DISCLAIMER Interski does not encourage acts of random violence or intolerance directed towards any member of the undead community. On a serious note, Interski does not condone the destruction of the “undead" or any other potentially unsafe activities. Interski advises all skiers to practise safeły and courtesy to other skiers. Always be mindful of and respectful to other skiers, Snowboarders, and holidaymakers. Always follow standard safety precautions and procedures on the slopes. CREPORIS

Slopeside Survival... From The Undead!

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Ever been attacked by a Mutant Marmotte? Or maybe bitten by a Vampire Squirrel? Learn how to survive slopeside with our special halloween infographic.

Publisher

Interski – The Aosta Valley Experts

Designer

Samuel Singer

Category

Humor
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