Best Man's Wedding Survival Tuxedo

EBEST MAN'S SURVIVAL TU EDO • radio communications earpiece utilized during speech delivery and shoe-polish rendezvous ultra-lightweight mp3 player armband pre-filled with 4 hours of line dance songs in case of band emergency • carbon fiber leak-proof flask utilized prior to speech delivery, car shoe polish rendezvous, and whenever the groom asks • concealed ring box compartment kevlar-lined pocket with programmable biometric fingerprint security • wrist-triggered escape chute used ONLY in event of bride walkout. • interactive speech notes pocket with corresponding text-to-speech converter to earpiece for flawless speech delivery thigh-holstered high voltage tazer used ONLY in event of ex-boyfriend arrival • battery-powered heated wool socks given to groom at the first signs of cold feet. • sock-mounted shoe-polish pocket covert storage until car decoration rendezvous • titanium crisis-prevention briefcase includes monogrammed wedding Koozies, pre-filled medication organizer, disguises, extra shades