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15 Things I Learnt When I Became a Mother

15 i learnt 15things vwhen became a mother 1. Jou will develop an inexplicable tolerance to your own baby's vomit, poo and snot to the point where you can deal with them without so much as a grimace, but UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES must you assume this extends to all children. As soon as you are presented with any of the above that does not come from your offspring, you will dry heave, panic and fight the urge to lock yourself in a bathroom. 2. In the first few days of bringing you child home, you might forget you have one. I put mine in his car seat, locked the house and drove around the block before I 3. while losing the baby weight is hard, keeping it off is damn-near impossible, especially since stopping breast-feeding usually coincides with copious amounts of leftover Mac'n Cheese needing to be eaten. realized l'd left him on the kitchen floor. This doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you human. 4. At some stage, you will catch sight of one of your 'pre-baby' bras and feel the need to compare it with your nursing bra. Fight the urge to do this if you do not want to end up in the fetal position on the kitchen floor crying into a bag of Goldfish. 5. Toddlers give you unconditional love, but it comes wrapped in the prickly package of unconditional truth. 'Why is your belly so floppy?' is a common question that will make you want to recreate Lesson 2 for a longer period of time. 6. The term 'all-nighter will no longer conjure up images of dancing, drinking, lots of mascara and wild parties. Instead, it will mean sweats, a weird kind of loneliness where you're sure you are the only other person awake, and watching the same episode of 'Caillou' about 17 times in a row. will pretend 7. At some point, you are asleep when you hear your baby cry, hoping your partner will get up first. Don't feel too bad - he'll/ she'll do it to you too. you 8. Some other mothers will insist on telling you (in a way they assume is subtle) how their baby is a better sleeper, a better eater, better behaved and more developed than yours. Ignore comments like these, and cling like velcro to the women who are honest with you about their fears and worries as well as their joys. Be honest in return - it's good for the collective mental health of mothers 9. Weekends cease to exist. You'll hear about them, people will tell you what they're doing on them, you'll read a million 'TGIF' status updates on Facebook, but you won't remember that feeling of excitement you used to get on a Friday afternoon. everywhere. lo. You will feel about your newborn baby the way you felt about the first high-school crush you ever had, times a million. Incidentally you will babble about your baby in much the same way as you did about your high school love. II. You will begin calling wine 'Mom Juice", and you will, on occasion, need to suck it back like the Cookie Monster does cookies. Do what you gotta do! 12. Hemorrhoids are a real thing. They are to be feared. 13. During your pregnancy, complete strangers will feel it is appropriate to approach you without your permission and TOUCH YOUR BELLY. Here's a tip for all you torso-touching enthusiasts out there: if you wouldn't touch a non-pregnant stranger's belly, don't touch a pregnant one! And if you WOULD touch a non-pregnant stranger's belly, register yourself with the local police. Weirdo. 14. As much as you may try to hold out, don't be too stubborn in resisting maternity pants. Guaranteed, when you finally succumb to their sweet stretchy embrace you'll mourn those months you struggled through in normal pants 15. Motherhood is more worth it than you ever could imagine, and you will be shocked on a daily basis at how one tiny, dirty and frequently poop-covered little human can wedge its way so firmly and joyously into your heart forever. check us out!! www.Sweetdreamsandflyingmachines.com SWEET DREAMS FLYING MACHINES SLEEPWEAR FOR BABIES WITH PERSONALITY SPECIALLY DESIGNED BY A MOTHER- FOR THE LITTLE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE 15 i learnt 15things vwhen became a mother 1. Jou will develop an inexplicable tolerance to your own baby's vomit, poo and snot to the point where you can deal with them without so much as a grimace, but UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES must you assume this extends to all children. As soon as you are presented with any of the above that does not come from your offspring, you will dry heave, panic and fight the urge to lock yourself in a bathroom. 2. In the first few days of bringing you child home, you might forget you have one. I put mine in his car seat, locked the house and drove around the block before I 3. while losing the baby weight is hard, keeping it off is damn-near impossible, especially since stopping breast-feeding usually coincides with copious amounts of leftover Mac'n Cheese needing to be eaten. realized l'd left him on the kitchen floor. This doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you human. 4. At some stage, you will catch sight of one of your 'pre-baby' bras and feel the need to compare it with your nursing bra. Fight the urge to do this if you do not want to end up in the fetal position on the kitchen floor crying into a bag of Goldfish. 5. Toddlers give you unconditional love, but it comes wrapped in the prickly package of unconditional truth. 'Why is your belly so floppy?' is a common question that will make you want to recreate Lesson 2 for a longer period of time. 6. The term 'all-nighter will no longer conjure up images of dancing, drinking, lots of mascara and wild parties. Instead, it will mean sweats, a weird kind of loneliness where you're sure you are the only other person awake, and watching the same episode of 'Caillou' about 17 times in a row. will pretend 7. At some point, you are asleep when you hear your baby cry, hoping your partner will get up first. Don't feel too bad - he'll/ she'll do it to you too. you 8. Some other mothers will insist on telling you (in a way they assume is subtle) how their baby is a better sleeper, a better eater, better behaved and more developed than yours. Ignore comments like these, and cling like velcro to the women who are honest with you about their fears and worries as well as their joys. Be honest in return - it's good for the collective mental health of mothers 9. Weekends cease to exist. You'll hear about them, people will tell you what they're doing on them, you'll read a million 'TGIF' status updates on Facebook, but you won't remember that feeling of excitement you used to get on a Friday afternoon. everywhere. lo. You will feel about your newborn baby the way you felt about the first high-school crush you ever had, times a million. Incidentally you will babble about your baby in much the same way as you did about your high school love. II. You will begin calling wine 'Mom Juice", and you will, on occasion, need to suck it back like the Cookie Monster does cookies. Do what you gotta do! 12. Hemorrhoids are a real thing. They are to be feared. 13. During your pregnancy, complete strangers will feel it is appropriate to approach you without your permission and TOUCH YOUR BELLY. Here's a tip for all you torso-touching enthusiasts out there: if you wouldn't touch a non-pregnant stranger's belly, don't touch a pregnant one! And if you WOULD touch a non-pregnant stranger's belly, register yourself with the local police. Weirdo. 14. As much as you may try to hold out, don't be too stubborn in resisting maternity pants. Guaranteed, when you finally succumb to their sweet stretchy embrace you'll mourn those months you struggled through in normal pants 15. Motherhood is more worth it than you ever could imagine, and you will be shocked on a daily basis at how one tiny, dirty and frequently poop-covered little human can wedge its way so firmly and joyously into your heart forever. check us out!! www.Sweetdreamsandflyingmachines.com SWEET DREAMS FLYING MACHINES SLEEPWEAR FOR BABIES WITH PERSONALITY SPECIALLY DESIGNED BY A MOTHER- FOR THE LITTLE LOVE OF YOUR LIFE

15 Things I Learnt When I Became a Mother

shared by rtforeman on Jan 24
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From making peace with vomit to warnings about pre-baby bra comparisons, Alison Foreman, Founder of Sweet Dreams and Flying machines, shares the 15 lessons motherhood has taught her in this hilarious ...

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