How To Survive The Holidays

HOW TO SURVIVE THE HOLIDAYS Each year is full of obligations: birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, weddings and more - and for some of us, it can be a bit much. Here are some tips on how to get through this year without wanting to kill yourself -- again. START with family O with friends with colleagues NEW YEAR'S DAY Start the evening with a plan that involves more than pushing the human body to the limits of alco- hol consumption. Like how you're getting home. Waking up in a jail cell spooning a guy named Kong isn't a good way to the New Year. BIRTHDAYS People fall into one of two categories: you either love'em or loathe'em. If you plan on celebrating then enjoy your day, but be wary of birthday cake comas. The camera adds 15 pounds. GROUNDHOG DAY VALENTINE'S DAY WARNING: If you're in a relationship handle this day with care or No reason you should care about this day, he either sees his shadow or doesn't. Better to trust your local weather man than a giant chipmunk with an overbite. follow. Flowers or ieeltrous results stuffed animal? What color are my eyes? Choose wisely, grasshopper. Candy or If you're single, grab a friend and locate your nearest bar and pace yourself. EASTER Jesus got bamboozled on both his big days. The fat man in the red suit barged in on Christmas and giant egg peddling rabbit crashed Easter. Enjoy those peeps! MOTHER'S DAY She brought you into this world and you thanked her with dirty diapers. You owe reparations, so treat the first woman in your life to a nice meal and a card. Sounds nuts, but women love cards. Trust us. INDEPENDENCE DAY FATHER'S DAY God Bless the U. S. of A. Nothing says freedom like beer and China-made explosives. We know it's hard to resist the urge to cram 20 cherry bombs in an anthill, but remember that handling hot dogs with only three fingers is a balanc- ing act. Fathers get the short end of the stick, so let dad know you appreciate him more than another ugly tie. Something fun. Something that can roast a whole animal. Hint hint." HALLOWEEN Women seem to follow a simple formula. Add the word sexy to any costume - sailor, ,COwgre happy. cat, whatever. T we're happy and this crazy world continues to turn. THANKSGIVING Quite possibly the greatest American holiday. Get ready to eat, but have a backup plan when your creepy uncle plops down to watch the game with his pants unbuttoned. MAKING IT THROUGH EARNING EXTRA CASH FOR THE SCHOOL FINALS HOLIDAYS You blew off class and the foreign kid with the good notes took his exam early. It's a hard knock life. Organize a study group, crack some books and don't wait until the last minute. Or, just change your name and flee the scene. The economy is in the crapper, but there are extra jobs this time of year. Hit up Craigslist or just grab a snow shovel and put your back into it. HOLIDAY SHOPPING Unless you are prepared to throw elbows at old women, online is the way to go. It's easy, convenient and you don't have to wear pants. HOLIDAY WORK PARTIES Hopefully you work for a company that provides an open bar- woo hoo! If not, then get ready for a Fresca and a barren cheese platter. Do enjoy some holiday spirits, but maintain a little poise. You don't want your co- workers thinking 12 steps. CHRISTMAS HANUKKAH Getting together with family is fun, but can result in migraines. Make time for your family, but also your friends. Eat a lot of food, open gifts and be thankful you don't have to visit Aunt Fitzmonster for another 364 days. "Put on your yalmulka, here comes hanukkah. It's so much fun-akkah to celebrate Hanuk- kah." If you're of the Jewish faith, enjoy your eight crazy nights. If not, enjoy a bowl of matzo ball chicken soue deli- Riant ts Cer ball. C with na cious. KWANZAA Kwanzaa is a weeklong celebration held in the United States and honoring African heritage a culture, observed from December 26 to January 1. Unfortunately, it still involves your crazy relatives. RESTART Next year. Go bạck tỏ the first house of the board Information provided by: http://www.onlinedating.org Sources: Ehow.com | Marriage.about.com | Robinsfyi.com ONLINE DATING UNIVERSITY HEAVY