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Anatomy of the "McNugget".
For many years, it was believed that the "McNugget" served at McDonalds restaurants was a batter-fried piece of formed chicken. Now, Mike the Pod has learned the ugly truth. In its search for less-expensive, more plentiful food source, McDonalds has employed genetic engineers to create the macnugeta repulsiva, a diminutive creature that lives in tanks of protein-enriched slime lit only by black light, until its brood grows large enough for it to be thrown live into frying batter (usually when their offspring reaches the healthy number of six, nine or twenty), Herewith, our disturbing findings.
eye (often accounts for that strange cartilage "crunch" when eaten)
primary and vestigial nostril pairs
hard bony incisors (used to open snails)
chitinous mating sheath (retracts before intercourse)
Stubborn yet easy to capture, the male fertilizes his mate with a yellow ichor (referred to by McDonalds Corp. as "Hot Mustard").
gills (located on back to prevent suffocation during mating)
primary, secondary and tertiary nostrils (third also functions as anus)
recessed fertilization canal (with protective cilia)
aft whiskers (bluer than the male)
retractable egg-releasing tube
The female has a thicker coating of secreted mucous and is therefore more difficult to catch. She uses her flourescent tongue to make chirping noises, much like a dolphin, to attract the male.
eye (remains closed until six days after hatching)
extra skin layer for warmth, using blood vessels (shed during puberty)
Cruel though it may be, the larvae are cooked as early as eight days after they hatch. Succinic acid is required to neutralize the natural poisons in the larvae (and is commonly found in McDonalds' Sweet-and-Sour Sauce).
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